I Love You, Brother
A Plea from the Pious
I Love You, Brother.
You’re a part of me, and I can’t let go. I want you to know that my heart will always beat for you. Your pain is my own, and I wish you find happiness and peace of mind – for my peace of mind too. Because my heart hurts that yours is broken. I watch you twist and turn and I feel knotted up inside. I see you blink back tears, and my own eyes sting. I smile when you smile, brother.
Because I do care and I love you. Do you care too?
.
I hear you, brother.
I hear when you say that you need to find your own way. Your own answers. Your own life. I hear you when you say that this life that brings me joy – the very things I enjoy: the fun with friends, the ever present family, the generosity of the community – I hear when you say that it doesn’t do it for you. But I love it here, can’t you see that? I hear that you don’t feel the love that I do.
I hear you, brother. Can’t you hear me too?
.
I believe you brother.
I believe you when you say that this world doesn’t work for you. I believe you when you say that you feel that you don’t belong. I believe when you say that you’ve found the answers elsewhere, as you smile patronizingly at me when I claim to have found them here.
But I believe you, brother. Why can’t you believe me too?
.
I understand you, brother.
I understand when you say that the rules I value, the God I believe in, the beliefs I find comfort in – I understand when you tell me that they don’t add up for you. That you want them to ‘make sense’. That you need them to make sense. Logically. Scientifically. I understand that you are confounded at how I can just accept, just as I am sometimes mystified at how easily you could reject.
But I understand you, brother. Can you understand me too?
.
I admire you, brother
I admire the strength you have, and the way you have made a life for yourself. A life that works for you. And if you have followed your conviction and they are what took you away, then I’d have to admire the power of your convictions too. Because I admire honesty and the search for the truth above all else. And while I believe that you could have found the answers to those nagging questions, right here within our Great Traditions, I still admire you, brother. I admire that you do your best to be an upstanding and honorable man. I admire your heart as I always have, because that hasn’t changed. Even though lately you look at my life and I see condescension.
And I wonder, dear brother, I wonder why. The family I built with love and devotion, the kids I’ve raised to be healthy, happy, and fulfilled – both intellectually and spiritually, the chesed I do – as much because it feels right, as because it is right – is it not commendable what I’ve done with my life so far? I understand that it isn’t what you want for yourself, what you are reaching for. But it is my goal and I’m going for it.
I admire you, brother, won’t you admire me too?
.
I forgive you brother
I forgive you for leaving this hole in my life. I forgive you for all the days and sleepless nights I cried because I knew I lost you – yet hoped I’d get you back. I forgive you for unsettling my perfect world.
I know that this world I’m in has hurt you. I know that there were times that we didn’t know how to handle you, that we might have mistreated you. I know that you see us all as the enemy, that you may even believe we drove you from here. That you see us all as the persecutors, the prosecutors, the executioners. I can understand how the grudges go far back and are embedded so deep. I don’t much like the way you see me, and I wish you’d see me as I see you.
But I’ve forgiven you, brother. Will you forgive me too?
.
I accept you, brother.
I accept the life you’ve chosen for yourself – and I still want you to be a part of mine as much as you can be. I accept that you no longer do what you used to. I accept that your dress code has changed and you look different too. I accept it all because I love you, even when I don’t love what you do.
But I have a life here. A life with a white picket fence. If I protect my family from the unfamiliar elements, it isn’t because I can’t accept it, but because I need to protect my traditions. There is a life here I value and an integral part of maintaining it is to shelter and guard the sanctity. Because my life is sacred as I believe your life to be too.
But I accept the choices you’ve made. Please show me that you can accept mine too.
I know that it’s your life, brother. But this is my life too.
Printable Version
Gorgeous post. Perfectly fitting that “acceptance” comes last.
Like this comment?
0
Tzippi, Your position is admirable but not representative. It is admirable because it is not representative. Theory and practice in the Hasidic world ask that strays be shunned (theory: “do not betray an evil doer,” Pirkei Avot, and much worse elsewhere [was it stoning for the "gatherer of sticks" on the Sabbath...?]) (practice: the rabbi of Szatmar [satmer rebbe] would expel people who disagreed with him [Zionists, for instance]). So, perhaps your “brother” is perfectly capable of opening his heart to Tzippi Langstrumpf, the woman who accepts her stray “brother,” but prefers not to open his heart to the doctrine that calls for his death (the death of the Sabbath desecrator), perhaps your “brother” prefers not to open his heart to the community that follows a leader who advocates expelling dissenters. Still, lovely prose. Thanks!
Like this comment?
1
Absolutely splendid!
Like this comment?
0
Perhaps if more people would display this attitude there would be no more “off the derech” because there would be no need to classify someone as inside or out, just accept them as they are.
Like this comment?
2
I say put your actions where your pen is.
Indeed you have a very long way to go.
Like this comment?
2
YB — I don’t think you’re being fair to Tzippi. While one may argue that she’s atypical, she still deserves credit for being so. It’s one woman’s reflection on the conflictedness she feels between loyalty to lifestyle and tradition and family bonds. Even if one disagrees with her beliefs and ideologies, she deserves admiration for stepping away from the group-think and actually describing her feelings with honesty and poignancy.
Highly rated. Like this comment?
9
Redundant and very strewn out. You could have said your piece in 4 lines.
Tzipi and YB, this is not the platform to settle jejune family conflicts. Take your fracas somewhere else. This might be a good idea for a Jerry Springer episode, though.
Like this comment?
0
LOL, R&C. Although–I might disagree. A family fracas might just play out pretty well here. Just like TV, it’s just the thing we need to boost ratings…
Like this comment?
1
SaraMaimon, absolutely untrue. If that attitude were prevalent, there’d be a mass exodus.
Tsippi, except for this sentence, “And while I believe that you could have found the answers to those nagging questions, right here within our Great Traditions”, this is a super post. Quite touching.
Like this comment?
2
correcting typo: the quote from Pirkei Avot is of course: “do not BEFRIEND an evil doer” (not: “do not betray an evil doer”).
Like this comment?
0
HR.
This is what has become of us? This is where we have dwindled down to? Have we become rating whores? I though a click a day will keep the doctor away! Do we really want to appeal to the masses? I thought the purpose of Unpious is to be an island of refuge amidst the storming sea; a shining light upon the nations. Do you think that Mosses, Mohammad, Jesus, Buddha, Plato, Socrates, Democritus, Aristotle, and the Biyala/ Stropkov/ Gribev Rebbe of 56th St. were concerned with ratings? They were for real. They preached and sermonized their beliefs with total disregard to its appeal. They weren’t into being popular and sexy. People gravitate to something that’s authentic and genuine. If we try to procure the admiration of the masses we might have some success, but ultimately they will discover our superfluous, phony, synthetic nature and they will abandon us. We got to stick to our guns. We have to broadcast a clear, strong, and unified message. We don’t care if you like or agree to what we say, this is us!
I have no clue why I went on this rant. Maybe because I just felt like it.
Like this comment?
0
Tzippi:
Why does your sense of self-worth depend on your brother’s choice of lifestyle? Why assume that he will continue to be lost and miserable? If you truly “love, hear, believe, understand, admire and accept”, why all the “buts”? Why are you “wondering” and what do either of you need to apologize or “forgive” for? As long as he’s alive and safe, why the “hole” in your heart?
I sense that this essay is more about you then about him.
-BSM
Like this comment?
3
Very well said BSM. I have nothing to add.
Like this comment?
0
Brilliant & Engaging ’cause it leaves so much UNsaid ! Tzippi, ur an amazing “sourceboard” for insight & inspiration. Forbidden : Tzippi’s words will become representative when others will start to admire the grace & courage inherent in her struggle. As far as stoning & expelling in Satmar – maybe by the ignorant masses, but by the Rebbe – you must be refering to the KJ REBBE who instituted a reign of terror & exclusion more traditionally typical of Belz, Square, Vizniz ( remember your history ) etc. BH : please don’t criticise the Princess of Trust – SaraMaimon – for recognising the strength & resilience of Judaism. BSM : all the BUTS r all about dealing with the power & the struggle – which as Meagan pointed out so well – ends with “acceptance” AT LAST – Free At Last !!!
Like this comment?
1
Unbelievable post – very similar to comments I made to earlier posts – but yours written better.
The pious are frequently misguided – but the love is still there. Witness all the “off the derch” “kids at risk” programs which go against many of the communities values. But they do it because the pain of losing a brother is too much.
But not so the unpious. You “mumble to an invisible thing” on Saturday morning – you are not normal. You find Yom Kippur uplifting – yo are simply a fool. Sure smoking in my neighborhood on Shabbos will cause pain to my loving innocent sister – too bad I need my freedom.
Read the posts and comments on the various “unpious” blogs. Many great true points about the frum world – but frequently written from a self centered, judgmental,biased, and know it all attitude. It is like they take all the negative of the frum world & use it in defense of their new found religion – the religion of heresy. So chill out my unpious brother – I feel your pain – but its not all about you.
Highly rated. Like this comment?
9
— I forgive you for leaving this hole in my life. —
So you think that your brother needs your forgiveness because he chose to lead a non-religious life? It’s his life, to live as he sees fit. Every time some Jehovah’s Witnesses comes to your door and you reject what they believe, they feel bad that you did so. That they care how you live your life does not mean that you have to apologize to them for the fact that you choose to live a life that is different from what they think is ideal.
I think the reason that you feel so bad is expressed in your first sentence in which you state “You’re a part of me, and I can’t let go.” You obviously cannot let go. But if you realized that your brother is not a part of you, it would make it easier to do so.
Chassidim have no sense of individual identity. They define themselves by the group that they are in. It is also reflected in their obsession with yichus. If you learned that you are your own person, whose sense of worth is not tied up with your family, it would make things easier. Good luck.
Like this comment?
2
Vegan –
Most of us, if we’re lucky, we’re born into a family. Family ties aren’t that easily severed.
Because you see – no man is an island. Just because one might have chosen to break ranks and lead his own life, I don’t believe that even he believes that his absence won’t be felt. There’s this odd thing called emotions. Heard of ‘em? They aren’t dictated by logic, and no amount of rationalizing and explaining will make ‘em go away, or even diminish their effect.
So whether you like it or not, you’re still a part of me, brother.
Sorry. Sincerely.
Like this comment?
1
Vegan > I think the reason that you feel so bad is expressed in your first sentence in which you state “You’re a part of me, and I can’t let go.” You obviously cannot let go. But if you realized that your brother is not a part of you, it would make it easier to do so.
But what if we realized (or committed) that our brothers and sisters are part of us and regardless of arguments and choices, while we probably need to let go of the expectation that they “act like us”, we should not let THEM go. The Amish (supposedly) have a practice where young people are given “a year off”. What happens after is that the kid must decide…he’s “in” or “out”, and never sees his family again. We should not act this way. We are more alike than we’re different.
Like this comment?
0
— There’s this odd thing called emotions. Heard of ‘em? They aren’t dictated by logic, and no amount of rationalizing and explaining will make ‘em go away, or even diminish their effect. —
I have emotions, and I love my siblings very much. But it would never occur to me that any of my siblings have to apologize to me for the way that they live their lives. But I do agree with you that your feelings are not dictated by logic.
Like this comment?
0
Ben, no “supposedly” in the practice you mention. It’s called *rumspringa*, and the young teens have more than a year to decide. They can take as long as they need. It is only if they commit themselves to the Amish church and then leave that they are, so to speak, excommunicated.
Like this comment?
0
Laura, yes, “rumspringa”. I believe that the excommunication that follows saying “no” is bad in the long run. Perhaps the family and community remain “pure”, but at what cost to peoples health and to the community’s long-term ability to deal with external change (which will happen regardless of its desires).
Like this comment?
0
Vegan -I reread my open letter and couldn’t find my request for an apology. Care to point it out to me? I was merely stating the obvious: Separation hurts. Let’s mitigate that pain by understanding and acceptance – from both ends.
(Great Dig, btw. Indeed *my* emotions are dictated by the right side of my brain, and there is little doubt either that my left brain only has an effect on my logical thinking. Where as you on the other hand, I’m certain you’ve evolved beyond that. Your wires have probably crossed.)
Like this comment?
0
>I have emotions, and I love my siblings very much. But it would never occur to me that any of my siblings have to apologize to me for the way that they live their lives.
Well spoken and unanswerable it would seem.
Like this comment?
0
Tzippi if he would have written : “I have emotions, and I love my siblings very much. But it would never occur to me that any of my siblings have to be forgiven for the way that they live their lives.” How would you dodge the question?
Like this comment?
1
The reality is that disapproving of what your brother does (and by this I assume you mean his chosen lifestyle rather than his occupation), and trying to shield your children from his “unfamiliar element” with your white picket fence, is a form of rejection.
Love is more than a well written letter; love is acceptance, tolerance, and understanding of person, which, in spite of your attempt to reach out, you are not truly willing to engage in.
Like this comment?
1
NT –
Love is love. And acceptance is acceptance. And tolerance is tolerance. But I get your point, and indeed all those are offered. From the depth of my heart. Because I do understand, and accept and above all else – love. More than you can ever know.
But where is the reciprocal love? Acceptance? Shouldn’t there be understanding from ‘his’ end too? If his behavior might mess up the life of those he claims to love, shouldn’t he care enough to realize that it might be unfair? Isn’t he blatantly rejecting me by ridiculing my beliefs – especially if he does that say, in the presence of my kids?
Is it fair to cry “Why can’t you accept me as I am?”, when you are choosing not to accept how others live *their* lives?
Like this comment?
0
Tzippi — You need to be more clear about what exactly you’re protesting. From your latest comment it seems it’s only the blatant disrespect to your lifestyle, specifically when they’re around you/your family/your children/etc. That’s a very specific argument. Perhaps valid, but it wasn’t clear all along that that’s what you were arguing.
Like this comment?
0
Tzippi that would be a fair gripe, but you don’t actually say that in your post.
You do say:
I forgive you for leaving this hole in my life. I forgive you for all the days and sleepless nights I cried because I knew I lost you – yet hoped I’d get you back. I forgive you for unsettling my perfect world.
It is not his fault that he has been ostracised and lost. It is those who do shun and stigmatise, those that have caused your brother to hide away that need forgiveness.
Like this comment?
1
HR –
That isn’t what I am ‘protesting’, nor is it what my letter was about. This was in response to NT calling – (what he saw as) disapproval, ‘rejection’. It is not rejection of said ‘brother’ at all. It isn’t even disapproval of him as a person. (Although I will own up to disapproval to some of his behavior. Like, for instance – his disrespect to my lifestyle.)
But Pen – that wasn’t what the ‘forgiveness’ was for. Indeed the offer for conciliation was offered with the mutual understanding that this rift hurt us both.
And for those who think that I shouldn’t be hurt, I hear ya. And perhaps you’re right. But then consider my beliefs, and pray tell, how can I make it NOT hurt, when I see those I love throw their life away.
Like this comment?
0
Tzippi, I cannot comment on pain, your pain or your brother’s, no words can. About pain, I will only say that I abhor all systems that use pain to educate, including the religious system that calls pain a call to repentance.
Leaving aside the impossible subject of pain, I would like to address one issue your post raises: your brother, seemingly, “disrespects” your lifestyle.
Tzippi, how should open, tolerant members of open, tolerant societies deal with people and groups that teach intolerance and segregate themselves?
Or, how should a democracy deal with groups that subvert the democratic system by voting en bloc, following instructions given to them by religious leaders?
Digression. Some European lawmakers propose that people who follow undemocratic leaders and beliefs should not be permitted to settle in democratic societies, because their (fake) participation undermines the tenets of the open, tolerant society. These European lawmakers target Muslim extremists, but ultra-orthodox Jews are not more tolerant—with one enormous difference of course: Jewish orthodoxy forbids physical violence against “host” countries while “in exile.” (I stress “physical” violence, because every other form of violence seems to be permitted.) End of digression.
You say you respect your brother’s choices, yet these choices hurt because, say you, he is throwing his life away.
…? …? …?
I am not questioning your pain, all pain is genuine, alas, but permit me to question your notion of respect.
Has your brother embraced principles of tolerance and openness that make him uncomfortable when he hears the dogma of segregation you teach your children (which you must do if you want them to thrive inside ultra-orthodox Jewish life)?
Like this comment?
2
==Tzippi, how should open, tolerant members of open, tolerant societies deal with people and groups that teach intolerance and segregate themselves?
Or, how should a democracy deal with groups that subvert the democratic system by voting en bloc, following instructions given to them by religious leaders? ==
Leaving aside the fact that there is no such thing as a completely ‘open’ society where ‘anything goes’, let’s discuss a society that is built on tolerance and acceptance. As such, all I ask of them is to accord others the same ‘acceptance’ that democracy purports to give all people. Live and let live. Is that too hard?
== Some European lawmakers propose that people who follow undemocratic leaders and beliefs should not be permitted to settle in democratic societies…==
You seemed to have failed to remember the very tenets of this open and tolerant democracy, and upon which it was founded: our inalienable rights, including that of freedom of religion. I don’t know the European countries you are referring to, but America was built as “One nation under God… with liberty and justice for all.”
==You say you respect your brother’s choices, yet these choices hurt because, say you, he is throwing his life away. …? …? …?==
Considering that I love my brother dearly, and only wish the very best for him, why is it so hard to understand, that being that I believe in eternal life, I am watching him give up on (what to me is) the only worthwhile goal in life.
It’s got to do with where your priorities lie. Let us say you value intellectual pursuits above all else, and you were to watch your child who is intellectually gifted, and has got tremendous potential in just about anything he sets his mind to, yet he chooses to sit in a recliner all day and watch cartoons. Or he decides to throw his life away by constantly getting high.
Or if you greatly value beauty – would it hurt you if your daughter who can be an absolute stunner, chooses to chop her hair off, or die it blue, or get three nose rings and tattoos up and down her arm?
And the one you will most easily relate to: Can you understand the pain of a secular American whose son becomes fervently religious?
You can love, you can even accept – but depending on where your values lie, you’d be hard pressed not to have it hurt when you watch those you love, turn their backs on their potential.
== I am not questioning your pain, all pain is genuine, alas, but permit me to question your notion of respect.==
Please note that I never expected respect. Nor was I able to grant that either. I’ve tried but I’ve had to make peace with the fact that the hypocrisy just wouldn’t sit well with me. You can accept certain choices without necessarily respecting them. I can’t very well respect that which I believe to be inherently wrong. Just like I don’t expect that either.
==Has your brother embraced principles of tolerance and openness that make him uncomfortable when he hears the dogma of segregation you teach your children (which you must do if you want them to thrive inside ultra-orthodox Jewish life)?==
So my ‘brother’ is all about ‘tolerance’ and ‘openness’, but my lifestyle makes him uncomfortable. And this discomfort is caused by the fact that – what again? that we segregate ourselves in order to protect our values?
If it is truly as he professes, and he strongly believes in tolerance, then there should be no discomfort at watching others happily live their lives according to their beliefs.
Like this comment?
1
France has recently denied citizenship to the husband of a Burka wearing woman.
France states that in order to become a citizen, one has to show a desire to integrate into French society and its culture.
Switzerland has banned minarets as an unexpected result of a national referendum.
One nation under God, was only added to your nation’s Pledge of Allegiancein 1948.
Ms Longstocking, I sincerely and respectfully suggest that you and yours, work at taming your emotions and show respect.
To cultivate a relationship between you and him, you must behave as if you might be wrong ideologically, as should we all. That way, no one gets to bomb another into smithereens, and no one is made to leave home for what they believe to be true.
The hostility he has towards your kind is a tinted and grubby mirror of the hostility your kind has towards him.
Perhaps some day, real tolerance will ensue as a result of your people understanding the real definition of tolerance, i.e. behaving as if we might all be wrong.
But as long as you refrain from doing so, as necessitated by your faith, there is little hope that thing will improve between the respective sides. But the ball is firmly in your court.
Like this comment?
3
With all the ‘yous’ and ‘your kinds’ I didn’t really notice any humility or chagrin. But perhaps there was. Perhaps I just missed it. Which only begs the original question – if you truly believe that just maybe you might be in the wrong, and your frum counterparts might right, then shouldn’t there be a little bit of tolerance for their ‘fanaticism’ and even ‘segregation’?
Not that I’m a great fan of either, but I’m just trying to see where you live up to your own professed beliefs.
As for the hostility that you seem to have encountered – I’m sorry. Truly. Deeply. No one should ever be shunned for who they are and what they believe in. Love should be unconditional – and love should go both ways. So should tolerance.
I mentioned all that and more in the letter above, so there is little point repeating it all. I do have to reiterate one point though “this is your life, brother, but it’s my life too.”
Like this comment?
1
Perhaps some day, real tolerance will ensue as a result of your people understanding the real definition of tolerance, i.e. behaving as if we might all be wrong. But as long as you refrain from doing so, as necessitated by your faith, there is little hope that thing will improve between the respective sides.
All of Western Civilization is based on Judeo-Christian ideals. Tolerance too, stems from “our faith”. As you might be aware, one of the strongest commandments in our Torah is v’ahavta lereiacha komocha’ (loving your fellow friend like yourself) which applies across the board, even for those who are entirely not following in the ways of our traditions.
Do note that love goes beyond mere acceptance and tolerance. So before you attack “our faith” as being backwards, intolerant and promoting segregation, you might want to familiarize yourself with the basics.
Like this comment?
1
Abe were that the case, we would still be whimsically killing witches, homosexuals, and wait for it those horrid stick gatherers on Shabbos.
We are pack animals, dogs are compassionate too. Neanderthals are extinct because they could not master the art.
For the record, the golden rule pre-dates the bible and by a long long shot.
Like this comment?
2
I don’t think this is the place to argue the validity of the bible itself and the rules thereof. But I’d like to note that your claim that the golden rules predates the bible cannot historically be substantiated, since no text that predates the bible states that. (If you know of any, please enlighten me.)
The simple point I was trying to make, is that this very civilized ideal that is clearly stated in the bible, is one of the tenets that Western culture is based on. So, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but the fact remains that your values of tolerance and love are derived directly from the Torah.
Like this comment?
0
>I don’t think this is the place to argue the validity of the bible itself and the rules thereof.
Why not?
>no text that predates the bible states that
Oh the certainty!
“Do for one who may do for you, that you may cause him thus to do.” c. 2040 – 1650 BCE
“He sought for others the good he desired for himself. Let him pass”. c. 1580-1350 BCE
Like this comment?
1
Remember too, that the appearance of the rule in the bible is at the hand of the postexilic Priestly source.
Like this comment?
1
Touching piece.
Like this comment?
0
P.T.
I liked your comment just for the word “postexilic”, nice!!
Like this comment?
0
Ha, and I like your handle. Rupture & Continuity, a euphemism for Haredi marriage.
See if you can work out the rupture part!
Like this comment?
0
Hahaha. It can be a euphemisim for a lot of things. Never thought of it in that sense though.
Like this comment?
0
Tzippi, I hope this exchange has been helpful in that it so swiftly surfaced the inconsistency, perhaps even hypocrisy, that might frustrate your brother. When writing a lyrical piece about your own pain, you included the following ode to your ability to “admire” your brother:
“I admire you, brother.
“[…]I admire honesty and the search for the truth above all else. And while I believe that you could have found the answers to those nagging questions, right here within our Great Traditions, I still admire you, brother.”
When pushed a bit, you reveal:
“I can’t very well respect that which I believe to be inherently wrong.”
At this point, I would imagine your brother might see your ode of admiration as posturing.
The good news, for you, is that your disrespect gets you “eternal life” whereas he loses not just immortality but also his family, his home.
I admire AND respect PEN TIVOKEISH’s definition of tolerance: “Behaving as if we might all be wrong.” I like the humility, that it is rooted in experience, not doctrine.
Like this comment?
1
Forbidden – I hear ya, but I still maintain that there is no inconsistency. I can admire my brother’s character, his search for the truth, his good heart – I can admire all that, without respecting the lifestyle he has chosen. In the same way that I would want him to admire the positive elements in my own life, without expecting blanket respect either. Obviously it would be inherently impossible to completely respect that which goes against your own ideology.
Oh, and Pen’s ‘acceptance’ and ‘respect’ is admirable? Where’s the respect for a lifestyle that he considers fanatical and in the wrong? Where’s the humility that indeed he might be mistaken? And where’s the love? He’s so filled with venom that I can’t help but feel for him. I don’t doubt that someone somewhere mirrored that hate, or might have even been the one to start that vicious circle. And I’m sorry that it happened to him. Truly. I’ve come to realize that sick bastards do exist.
But that shouldn’t detract or in any way contradict from my original message.
Because I love you brother, and I’ll go on loving you. With all my heart. Always.
Like this comment?
0
I do not answer to you, but to say that I am filled with venom, is very hurtful and quite inaccurate.
I do disagree strongly with your two posts, because I think that you air-brush, belittle and misunderstand, the issues that I and others like me grapple with.
As for the respect or lack thereof, I display, that ought to be decided by my actions in field conditions. I do disagree with the ideology, and believe it to be unkind and inaccurate. But I do love our history and culture with heart and soul. And I do greatly respect the way and it’s adherents for that.
I suggest you read my writings before you so lovingly pass judgement.
Like this comment?
1
I apologize if I misspoke. I didn’t mean to say anything hurtful. Honestly. I was relaying my impressions and how you came off in the last few exchanges we had. I might have misread it, and for that I’m sorry.
And on precisely that note I beg you not judge my sincerity just because you don’t understand my point of view. I was sincere in extending my understanding and acceptance. Anyone who knows me (and there are quite a few on this site who do) will vouch for my sincerity. As well as for the fact that I do love, deeply.
Why else do you think that I hang around here subjecting myself to all this abuse?
Like this comment?
0
A tear just trickled down my cheek.
No, it wasn’t about the pain Tzippy, as a sibling, claims to be going through.
My tear was a pure selfish one. For, as happy and at peace I am with my lifestyle choices, there will always be the pain of knowing that me living my life – the life I very much have a right to – is causing pain to my loving parents and siblings. The fact that they love me unconditional and the fact that they don’t feel the need to “forgive me” – for they know I’ve never wronged them – makes the pain all the more difficult to bear.
I wish there would be a way for them to continue believing in what they believe yet at the same time not be pained by me living the lifestyle I chose and very much believe in. Obviously – even though they do love, accept and respect who I am as person, as a human being and as their child/sibling – that’s not realistically possible.
Knowing they will never accept my lifestyle, as (the) [a] right one, pretty much guarantees the pain to last for a long time.
My only consolation: as long as the pain is there, I know I still have emotions and love towards those who so dearly love me.
An overall happy,
Hey-Sue’s
Like this comment?
2
Tzippy…
==If his behavior might mess up the life of those he claims to love, shouldn’t he care enough to realize that it might be unfair?==
It’s not “his behavior” that messes up their life. It’s “the belief” of his loved one that’s causes them all the pain. They [choose to] believe and therefore find his behavior painful. All he’s doing is living “his” life.
==Isn’t he blatantly rejecting me by ridiculing my beliefs – especially if he does that say, in the presence of my kids?==
That would be totally disrespectful but that’s NOT the type of brother your post seemed to portray.
Like this comment?
2
Correction:
*It’s “the belief” of his loved ones that causes them all the pain.*
It’s past my bedtime.
Like this comment?
1
Thanks for this piece.
True acceptance of others cannot come before one accepts themselves fully. People in transition have a hard time with this, especially after leaving a culture where everything was solid, black and white, and entering into a world of gray. Accepting that they won’t accept may be all we can get at times.
Like this comment?
1
“And for the record, it wasn’t the readers who assumed that the author was involved in drugs and promiscuous sex. It did not require major inference – the author was pretty much stating that.”
Here is what the author herself states:
“There was plenty of beer, pot, and cigarettes, but I didn’t need any of it.”
Are you being judgemental, or am I being naive?
Like this comment?
0
Oy! How come I feel like crying? Do I want to be the brother or the sister? This world is so filled with pain, can any amount of LOVE overcome that? So many questions, so many deep emotions. I think I need a hug.
Like this comment?
1