Comments on: Silence

By: happy

happy — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 09:55:02 +0000

when a child betrays the thing you think is most important in the world how do you expect the family to react.
true betrayal creates distance. both ways. we reject them for not agreeing with us. and they reject us for not agreeing with them.
no biggie. pretty normal, actually.

its a reality. not a nice one, but reality none the less.

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By: Rivka

Rivka — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:15:21 +0000

Ruchy worked for Ohel/Bais Ezra, so my son and I had several occasions to meet with her. She was a thoughtful, kind, patient and compassionate woman – she cared… Hopefully members of her family can reflect on who she was and how great their loss is… Parents don’t just “go on” after they’ve lost a child, they will live with the pain of having not been able to help her. Only they know how they could or should have been there for Ruchy… Guilt is a natural phenomenon of loss… May her shortened life inspire each of us to look close at her sterling middot, and improve ourselves…

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By: Chana

Chana — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 15:41:25 +0000

Thanks, MC, for your kind words.

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By: mendy chossid

mendy chossid — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 00:00:54 +0000

Chana – the strenght of your writing overides any family’s particular experience and the message is universally loud & clear. It’s poignant & chilling and invites introspection .

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By: Chana

Chana — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 12:24:45 +0000

Ok, due to the overwhelming response of emails on this subject:
1-This is not about Ruchy Nove. I did not know her. I think it’s tragic that such a young life was lost, and it would be incredibly insensitive of me to write such a piece alluding to her and her family.
2-This is about a particular family who disowned their child, would not acknowledge her existence while she was alive and would only dutifully mourn her death (as required by Jewish law).

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By: Dovid

Dovid — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 04:05:40 +0000

I understand how you feel.

But…

1. In general Chassidim avoid being morbid in public during shiva. Many try to put on a cheerful front. (Maybe this reflects the Chassidishe stress on simchah, and even in unhappy situations to avoid atzvus.)

2, Frum people don’t usually socialize during shiva calls. Even those who know each other keep quiet.

3. I believe the minhag is not to speak to the avel until he or she speaks to you.

4. No doubt this was a particularly terrible shiva for this unfortunate family, and it is not surprising if they didn’t want to express their feelings in public.

So please — “don es kol ha-adam le-khaf zekhus.”

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By: Pen Tivokeish

Pen Tivokeish — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:32:19 +0000

“Some are driven away by edicts, others by silence.”

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By: Hasidic Rebel

Hasidic Rebel — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:43:59 +0000

BSM – It’s just a story. The author doesn’t make it clear but I wouldn’t presume it’s about any one specific case people here would know about — and certainly any presumption that this is somehow connected to recent actual events, IMO, is missing the point — not to mention somewhat inappropriate.

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By: Ben Sorer Moreh

Ben Sorer Moreh — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:47:02 +0000

MC:

Do you see this essay as being about any shivah or about someone specific (ie, Ruchy, who I did not know, but whose loss left me both sad and speechless)? Either way, and notwithstanding people’s failings, give them some credit. And what does TB stand for?

Chana:
המקום ינחם אתכן…

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By: Hey-Sue's

Hey-Sue's — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:28:32 +0000

I’m not sure if I’m getting the point.

Is it?
A) People just going through the motions instead of mourning the loss.
B)) No one acknowledging the visitor for she wasn’t religious.
C) No one acknowledging the deceased for she wasn’t religious.
D) None of the above.

I’ve never had a similar Shiva call experience (also never been at a shiva call where I only knew the deceased but non of the family, if that was the case here).

Care to explain?

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