Comments on: Sholom Bayis

By: MW

MW — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 16:06:01 +0000

Strong women only make weak men afraid.

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By: chossid ex

chossid ex — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 20:56:24 +0000

im just shocked that you are still subjecting yourself to this. He is obviously watching porn, and you should say no.
Dont blame your religion. This is nothing to do with yiddeshkeit, porn inspired abuse is much worse in the secular world, but for gods sake woman, get a grip and tell him to stop.

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By: Todd

Todd — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 06:10:43 +0000

“… there are lots of nitty gritty laws & then chumras (stringencies) which are taught. it’s not as though kallah teachers are giving tips on how to have a hot & steamy sex life. i don’t think it’s in their job description”

If sex isn’t fun, if it isn’t hot, if it doesn’t make your toes curl, if it doesn’t break down the barriers and the face you show the world like Avraham broke the idols then it isn’t holy and doesn’t lead to true Shalom Bayis.

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By: elana

elana — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 18:54:31 +0000

i wasn’t idealizing the non-jewish world… merely suggesting another area in which orthodoxy needs work

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By: B from NJ

B from NJ — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:50:50 +0000

elana, while i never took a sex ed class in my BY HS, my guess would be that in a typical public junior high or HS, it’s all about safe sex, using condoms & the like. i highly doubt the teacher goes into stressing female sexual pleasure or what have you but then again i don’t know that first hand. my point is that even non-Orthodox couples generally don’t have a class on how to have a hot & steamy sex life. i don’t think it’s limited to the Orthodox or Chassidic world. Personally i was happy to learn things along the way with together my spouse w/o requiring any classes on the topic. i do remember learning along the way that if something is unpleasurable for one of the partners, it should not be done. i guess fruma’s teacher had a different point of view.

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By: Elana

Elana — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:35:16 +0000

“sara, being a kallah teacher does not require one to have a hot & sizzling sex life! it’s about teaching the girls all of the laws involved with taharas hamishpacha”

THAT is exactly the problem! The problem is that the orthodox version of sex education is check yourself, dip in the mikvah and please your husband.

That explains why so many women are suffering in silence.

and i bet a lot of men are suffering too.

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By: kafhakela

kafhakela — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 17:25:06 +0000

Jackie;
“Strong women are frightening for men”

Ya think?

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By: B from NJ

B from NJ — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 16:51:35 +0000

sara, being a kallah teacher does not require one to have a hot & sizzling sex life! it’s about teaching the girls all of the laws involved with taharas hamishpacha/family purity-the laws of niddah, calculating when to expects ones period, the harchakos (extra “fences” to prevent a couple from touching one another during the niddah cycle)when to go to the mikvah after their periods, etc… there are lots of nitty gritty laws & then chumras (stringencies) which are taught. it’s not as though kallah teachers are giving tips on how to have a hot & steamy sex life. i don’t think it’s in their job description !

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By: saramaimon

saramaimon — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 15:45:37 +0000

how can someone who never enjoyed sex be a kallah teacher. that’s a travesty. A hot and sizzly sex life should be the number one prerequisite for anyone who wants to pursue such a hallowed career.

Instead I fear it is a way for them to vent their unfulfilled sexual frustration on unsuspecting neophytes.

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By: Jackie

Jackie — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 06:35:44 +0000

not really sure what to say. I think that sex should be a holy experience,but also that games can be fun. I think that maybe the Kalla Teacher never enjoyed sex so she said that she should do these things to please her husband. could it be that some women may actually enjoy these games. Like the people remarked b4 me, S&M is for 2 willing partners. It is a game, getting away from reality. In my opinion, both partners should have pleasure and that if you are not receiving pleasure your husband is not doing what he is obligated to do for you in the ketuba. He is acting in an abusive way. Do you like him? Does he disgust you? Can you live without him? I amnot sure marriage therapy will help,either. Why do women have to be passive acceptors? women have to be coy and shy and tsenua…but if a women wants something, she is a whore or a slut…or worse yet rebelious. Good for you for opening the conversation. Strong women are frightening for men…I thinkhe could use a little of that…

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