Anonymous No Longer
An overview of anonymous writing in the Chasidic world, and a long withheld revelation.
In June of 2003, I met with a writer for The Village Voice at a kosher café in Midtown Manhattan. Over a diet coke, with the writer’s recorder on the table between us, I spoke about my blog, my views on religion, and Chasidic society. I’d been hesitant, apprehensive about the inevitable publicity following an interview with a major publication. But I’ll be honest: there was something enticing about gaining that kind of publicity. A blog isn’t a personal diary; it’s meant for readers, and increased readership serves a blog’s raison d’etre. But I knew there was a degree of risk involved. Then again, there was risk involved with blogging to begin with; it didn’t stop me from blogging, and increased exposure would serve whatever purpose I had for the endeavor.
The Voice published their article several weeks later, and the ensuing reaction was somewhat predictable – although its leap from the theoretical to the actual gave me a reality-check. With increased readership came increased hostility and outrage. I was accused of selling insider secrets, airing our dirty laundry, and being a traitor to my people. “We must find out who Hasidic Rebel is and where he lives and hold a not-so-peaceful demonstration,” one person wrote on an online Yiddish forum.
Friends, the few who knew about my blog and my real identity, were concerned. “They’re going to come after you,” they warned. I was told of rumors and conspiracies overheard in mikvas and shul coffee rooms around town. “They” were going to hack my email account; send me emails posing as women offering sexual encounters; “they” were hiring private detectives to discover my identity. Here and there I’d hear of some who’d correctly identified me as the blog’s author. But I dismissed most of it; I knew Chasidim and I knew to differentiate between bluster and a real threat to my safety and that of my family.
Chasidim seem to have a particular aversion towards open authorship, even when the subject is uncontroversial. Yiddish books and publications for Chasidic readerships are notorious for their pseudonymous writing. Chasidic newspapers such as Der Yid and Der Blatt often employ generic names for their writers and columnists, such as “A. Ungarisher” and “A. Schreiber.” Letters to the editor in the above publications are published with names withheld as a matter of course. The late Sender Deutch, longstanding editor of Der Yid, used to write his editorial columns under the name Eliezer Epstein. An enigmatic author using the very generic “Menachem Mendel” wrote some of the most popular Yiddish children’s books.
Not so, however, with works of rabbinic or scholarly literature. Many a fine kolel yingerman takes pride in publishing a collection of original Torah thoughts, proudly publishing his name on the title page and in the approbations from Torah leaders. This suggests a dichotomy between writings the public deems worthy and those considered mere indulgences – both for the writer and reader. Mere literary output, exposition of secular content, and open punditry fall into the latter category, one for which there is broad public desire but little esteem. Add to that a culture that celebrates conformity and views any deviation from monochromatic behavior with suspicion or ridicule, and the result is a perpetuating self-consciousness in all matters. Public esteem for one’s writing, meager as it might be, be damned; a writer would rather live in obscurity than expose himself to public judgment – even if such judgments were relatively benign.
All this is true even before we deal with writings of an unorthodox sort. In addition to the general self-consciousness, here applied with even greater intensity, dissenting views carry risks even more acute.
Hyperbolic insinuations to the contrary notwithstanding, the Chasidic world is not a republic transplanted from the Soviet era, complete with gulags for those who refuse to adhere to ideological norms or who dare question the given order. However, heretical ideas and subversive soap-boxing can and do have real repercussions, and real unpleasant ones, at that. When comfortably ensconced with family and community, tipping one’s carefully maintained equilibrium is a price few are willing to pay. While the fear of physical violence may be far-fetched (although still a possibility), the possible break-up of families and expulsion from communities is very real.
Chasidic societies, of course, do not have the legal autonomy to order people out of their homes and neighborhoods. But they can and do enforce expected norms by means of school admissions, shidduchim, shul membership, and other forms of social ostracism – official and otherwise. And while it may not seem a great sacrifice to give up one’s prerogative for use of the local mikva or to receive an aliya in shul, the comforts of one’s social circle and environment can’t be underestimated as considerable factors in the quotient of one’s overall life-contentedness.
And then there’s married life. Chasidic couples are generally not paired for their compatible personalities or mutual attractiveness. Young families are established with the very specific goal of carrying on the traditions of Orthodox Judaism in general and the Chasidic lifestyle in particular. Instead of wishing a pair of glowing newlyweds that they happily maintain their passionate love for each other, they are warmly congratulated on the chance to raise doros yesharim umevorachim, generations of upstanding and blessed offspring who follow in the hallowed footsteps of their ancestors.
A Chasidic marriage, therefore, implies ideological compatibility first and foremost. The unspoken agreement is that the family be established according to rules, customs, and norms of the community, and is to continue to abide by them for a lifetime. It is a contractual relationship, if only an implied one, in which both parties understand that deviating from these norms could be a deal-breaker.
Married men and women of the Chasidic world who develop dissenting views therefore face a real crisis. Their dissenting views are dangerous to their status quo, and with the typical age of marriage being between eighteen and twenty, by the time one has a chance to develop a more expansive worldview, their status quo might very well include multiple children settled securely in reputable schools with comfortable social dynamics. The upheaval that can result from revealing dissenting views – especially if those views are carried into practice, such as disregard for the laws of Shabbos and kashrus – are enough to scare away even the bravest of souls from open dissent.
The anonymity so ubiquitous in the Chasidic blogosphere is therefore no surprise. But anonymity too comes with a price: it seems vaguely shady.
Anonymous and pseudonymous writing has a longstanding and reputable tradition. Spinoza first published his Tractatus Theologico-Politicus anonymously, although it seems to have been a little-kept secret. George Eliot, author of several distinguished novels of the English Victorian era, was the pen name of a woman, Mary Anne Evans. The Federalist Papers, a collection of essays penned in defense of the proposed U.S. Constitution by prominent U.S. founding fathers, including Alexander Hamilton and James Madison, were published anonymously.
Anonymous writing is not ignoble or cowardly. Few are idealistic enough – and we might even deem it foolish idealism – to speak their minds for the sake of truth and principle if it is to adversely affect their lives. But anonymous writing does deprive writing of otherwise worthy respectability. There is something to be said for standing behind one’s opinions, and it’s easy to be sloppy or irresponsible when there’s no need for accountability. (Hence, the bane of the Internet: nasty and gratuitous ad hominems that one would rarely make in real life without serious provocation.) In the end, however, there’s a cost-benefit analysis: the benefits of an exposed identity are deemed of too little value compared to the costs.
A fellow Chasidic blogger asked me years ago if I can foresee a time when I will lay anonymity by the wayside. I’ve long wished for the freedom to do so, but such freedom seemed elusive, and at the time the question was tough to answer. Circumstances have changed. While I am still in many ways attached to the Chasidic community – not least of which through family relations – I have chosen a path that at least in some ways separates me from the general Chasidic culture. Anonymity, while convenient in some ways, seems a thing to finally cast aside. After much thought and consideration, I am ready to blog without the comfort of a mask.
My “Hasidic Rebel” moniker has served me long and well, a name chosen without much thought but which has gained a degree of recognition with blog readers. I don’t intend to discard it, but neither am I inclined to continue to hide behind it. It seems only appropriate to impose on myself the accountability of writing with an open identity.
And so, I present my newly crafted bio:
Hasidic Rebel is a former Skver Chasid and author of the “Hasidic Rebel” blog. He spent his childhood and early teen years in Borough Park and Williamsburg, and subsequent yeshiva years and married life in the Chasidic village of New Square, NY. His real name is Shulem Deen, and he now lives in Brooklyn amongst artists, hipsters, and a colorful array of non-conforming conformists.
Printable Version
So that is you, eh? I always thought so…
Seriously, I wonder how many people will have this reaction to your revelation. I also wonder if I’ll ever be able to write my own bio with my name proudly attached.
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wow!!!! mazal tov on finally being comfortable enough to publish your name.
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For me you will always be HR. The name Hasidic Rebel has taken a life of its own by now I think, I wouldn’t throw it away (I think you implied that you will still use it, so that’s good).
I would reveal my identity too, if I wasn’t so afraid that I might one day be nominated to the Supreme Court and I’ll have to answer for all the innuendoes I wrote
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Hasidic Rebel/Sholom
I have to say that being an identity out in the open encourages acts that are true to one’s self, but it does come with consequences.
I wish I could be more critical or honest at times, but it is just not within my nature to upset people, even if I don’t agree with them.
An online and real identity that matches has taught me that not only is G-d everywhere, but people are too.
Sometimes though, its important to say what has been kept so quiet even if others don’t understand its positive importance. There is a running theme in Chassidus that sometimes a seeming eveyra is necessary for a mitzva.
Your ability to use your voice and words as a vessel for open mindedness likens you to a bottle of mashkeh.
My advice to others, l’chaim.
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awesome.
whether you use your name or a pseudonym, you are always yourself. it’s just a matter of what other people call you.
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Its like when you first immerse yourself into a luke warm lake. It may be a little chilly at first, but once you start swimming, you warm and feel free to enjoy
The best way for me to relate to the release of your identity is through imagery… yey for you….
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Wow, Sholom.
Congratulations for having the courage to come out of your anonymity.
As others mentioned previously, for me you will always be “Hasidic Rebel”.
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BTW,
After some googling your name, I found that it was already revealed in this article several days ago:
http://nymag.com/realestate/neighborhoods/2010/65356/index1.html
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Good for you! Your courage is inspiring. My hat comes off to you.
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HR:
Sorry to rain on your parade, but I don’t think the word courage is the right word in this instance. I think indifferent is more appropriate. Your “coming out” is merely a confirmation that you are far removed from your roots.
After all, if you’re not “one of us” why would you care what “we” think of you, hence the evaporation of your need to remain anonymous.
Shtreimel:
“I also wonder if I’ll ever be able to write my own bio with my name proudly attached.”
I sincerely hope not. But, you haven’t written for a while. Nu? We’re missing you!
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Good for you… That must be a big burden off your shoulders. Freedom, perhaps?
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Sholom, Best of luck and let me be the first to offer you a hideaway if you need it!
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Sholom,
To me they are one and the same. Whatever title you choose to use, always know that we got your back.
m
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Years ago, I was the mental health professional who worked with the casualties of the New square village who cracked under the pressure of the society. The outcomes were not good as they were soon hijacked back into the web. Congratualtions on your escape and your openness. May you be an inspiration to others.
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Congratulations on having the courage to stand up for your convictions.
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A poignant milestone in the career of a beard-and-pious blogger and the unimagined consequences a bit of online writing has on one’s equilibrium. Let not the blogging medium be underestimated. What begins as an exciting creative outlet soon becomes a paradigm shift that makes life in the chollent never the same. The Kinderlech of Unpious probably don’t appreciate the path this marks.
Sholom, this makes you all the more the Hasidic Rebel.
I see this step not as courage but as crossing cultures from one cloaked in conformity and secrecy to one of more openness.
Do know, should you have a moment of tshuva — there is always a way back, always new num de plumes you can turn to.
We’ll never be the wiser.
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After years of rebelling, sholom at last.
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Welcome, Sholom! Though I respect the value of persistent pseudonymity, I’m glad you feel ready and able to attach your “real name” to your words. What an excellent revelation for the cusp of Shavuot!
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Thanks to all of you for the supportive comments.
Frummer: You’re right on that it’s indifference. And that’s a good thing.
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It was a few years ago that I discovered your blog. As I started reading I envisioned the person behind the pseudonym “Hasidic Rebel”. To me it will always be synonymous to a guy with the full chasidic garb, long beard, wide curls, old-fashioned spectacles, slightly overweight specimen sitting quietly behind a computer in an undisclosed location in the midst of one of the chasidish enclaves. (Though, I was flabbergasted even to this day as to how a chasidic guy achieves such English writing skills).
One day, I told one of my acquaintance “dude, you have to check out this blog, he calls himself HR, and he extrapolates on all the important issues of our society, the guy rocks!” he looked at me with a pair of big puzzled eyes and said: “Duh! I’ve known this blog for years and I actually know the author”. “What? You know the real identity of “Hasidic Rebel”? Turns out, this colleague of mine is one of your close friends and lived in the same shtetl as yours for many years. “One day” he tells me, “I’ll introduce you to him”.
Every day I begged him to disclose your name and finally with enough nudging and persuasion he gave in and whispered in my ears
“Sholom Deen”.
Who? kan ich shoin nisht tzvie mentchen.
“Where can I meet him?”
“There is this place called ‘chulent’ where ovgaklarta people get together – usual or unusual and sometimes unusual than the usual unusual – every Thursday night, and he participates frequently.
So, the next Thursday I took the courage and hopped on a train heading to the city where ‘chulent’ is located. I arrived to an old shul that looked to me like a Reform Temple; I walked up a series of narrow staircases up to a dingy place with old chairs and couches. Sitting on them was a diversity of people from all walks of life listening to a lecture given by a funny looking guy. I bumped into another friend of mine that still looks chasidic but out of the fold and asked him “do you happen to know if ‘Hasidic Rebel’ is here today?” “Yeah, he sits right there” pointing to a guy with Jeans and T-shirt, chuck-full of hair kempt neatly to the back. “What? He looks more like an Italian Rebel than Hasidic.”
Like a little kid eager to meet the actor he idealizes. With a rapid heartbeat and as shy as I am I took the mettle of walking over and said: “Hello, I’m a big fan of your blog” you seemed amazed that you have a young chasidic reader like me. We made small talk and off I went.
Life wasn’t the same afterwards
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you should have called this article, “yom ha-deen.”
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This is a step in the right direction, signing ones writings, however there is no “Sholom Deen” in the Brooklyn phone book.
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weirdly enough, i feel like i’ve come a full circle (i did say weird, did i not?!) as i stumbled on HR through that village voice article and have been “stalking” the moniker ever since.
sholom, it’s been a pleasure!
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mazal tov!
lipa and yossi green have a song on the new lipa cd about the trauma they endured in satmar and squeer respectivly, can you do a write up on it, pliz!
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jacob stein you old fart, I thought you finally got lost, I guess your joining us otd…
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Congratulations. I commend your courage and strength.
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HR:
“You’re right on that it’s indifference. And that’s a good thing.”
Depends on which side of the fence you’re sitting.
I’m sad.
When a guy ‘s happy with life, there’s no chance of him wanting to come back. I do wish you only happiness. I’m really sorry you had a bad experience. I get so upset when I see the fruits of the opressiveness that they perpetuate. However, one can be a Jew without being a chossid. Perhaps one day you will be able to see past your bad experiences and see the beauty in our religion.
Have a great Yom Tov!
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HR are you the son of my friend REB D, z”l
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FoF: Yes. Feel free to email me: hasidicrebel@gmail.com.
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Congrats on “coming out”. Can we see a pic now or will we have to wait another 5 years for that?
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The following is not intended as an attack on your decision to “come out”, rather it is an attempt to point out some considerations which surely have gone through your mind as you were deliberating this, and which might be relevant to others deciding the same.
We need to remember, that as misguided and wrong our families are, in viewing us unpious’ers as sheep that lost the path, our minds poisoned, or simply to weak to withstand sexual temptation (despite our belief deep down that what we’re doing is wrong, and our regrets at our decisions…)as I am sure all of you have heard countless times, it is also true that they are not entirely at fault for their beliefs, as they were socialized to believe all that, and they might not be emotionally, psychologically, or intellectually capable to escape the hold that frum society has on them. All that is old news.
So when one of their own decides to leave, it is understood that it causes a great deal of pain and anguish, including stigma and embarrassment, to the family that is left on “the inside”. So why would someone needlessly add salt to their wounds by announcing from the rooftops that a member of the Ploni family has rejected their way of life and “left the fold”. I am not suggesting that you live your life in secret; after all, that is not exactly what you have been doing until now either, and your identity has not been a state secret. All I am suggesting is your continuing the status-quo, without using your very public forum to cause them further shame after all that I am assuming they have already gone through. It is not like you would be giving anything up in order to protect them somewhat from additional agony, so why would you hurt them? What exactly is the point? Have you done a cost benefit analysis, including the shame they will surely suffer into the equation?
Coincidentally, (or hashgacha pratis, for those of you who prefer that language), I just read an article on Hydepark, (see here: http://www.bhol.co.il/news_read.asp?id=17029&cat_id=1 )exposing the identity of one of the leaders of the secular faction in the Ashkelon grave digging controversy as an ex frummie from Meah Shearim. In the article the writer says that she (the ex-frummie) asked them not publicize the information (a request which they did not oblige, obviously), and the feeling is, especially after reading the comments section, that her main concern was to protect her family in Meah Shearim. Isn’t that thoughtful? (Similar to M. Posner’s not “coming out” until the last of his sisters found their shidduch, earlier somewhere on this journal.)
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One should always put their name behind their opinions. However, when writing details that could compromise others’ privacy as well, what right to we have to pursue our fame and fortune at the cost of their shame? It’s best to hide your identity as much as possible.
I remember a certain book, written by a journalist visiting his BT brother in Monsey. Very nice that he want to write your own journalistic expose, but what right did he have to expose your brothers marital issues, teenage exploits, financial concerns, in front of his community. At the time I thought it was the essence of betrayal.
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clarification: Don’t understand this to mean the same thing as the comment preceding mine. I TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH THAT. We should never cowtow to their unjustifiable and unjustified shame in us. That’s like being an enabler of our own abuse.
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Sara, I am not suggesting to kowtow to their unjustifiable shame. I view them with pity,foolish and ignorant in their illusions, mostly through no fault of their own. Let’s act like adults; what is there to gain by causing them shame within their communities?
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HR
Mazal Tov on your gilui, and may you see doiros yeshorim umvoiruchim following in your footsteps.
May I point out something from the perspective of a still shackled and anonymous Hasidic man. If you ever thought about a reason to stay anonymous, there can be no stronger reason than the mere fact that if heaven forbid you ever return, you will be a pain in the ass for all the acquaintances and friends you made in the community that are still anonymous.
May I therefore suggest, PLEASE make sure to remain steadfast in your liberty, or else you will make it so much more difficult for all those thinking about taking a similar step.
After all, have you ever heard a more sheepish argument against leaving than “they all come back eventually”?
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I think this would also make it more of a journal than a blog. I also liked the whole article it takes together a lot of aspects of chasidic lifestyle.
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They fail to write about his preverted unfettered love for Darwininistic effervescent theories that are unequivocally dichotomized with the use of his pliant erudition, farshatist?
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What is there to gain?
That’s the frum “davka” pitfall. Frum people think we are just being ourselves to spite them, no we arent. In their world hiding themselves is the default and one needs a special something to gain in order to come out, in our world expressing your identity is the default.
This being said there is a lot to lose by hiding one’s identity:
1. Shame and guilt is a primary mechanism of control of frum people. Cater to it and you strengthen it. Why keep yourself shackled?
2. Where do you draw the line? So you won’t blog freely, now can you step into the supermarket in jeans if the lady behind you might know your tante suri?
3. Behaving as if there is something shameful about what we are doing makes us, and others, feel ashamed when we need not be.
4. Anonymous opinions lose some of their teeth.
But there’s a big difference, I think, writing how you slept w a goy (just an example), than writing how someone else did.
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“May I therefore suggest, PLEASE make sure to remain steadfast in your liberty, or else you will make it so much more difficult for all those thinking about taking a similar step.”
Neither Shulem nor any other Rebel owes you his life decisions, no more than he owes it to family members who wanted him to stay frum.
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Can you tell us something about yourself? Are you still married? Are your kids chasidish?
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HR-
Once again, congrats on finally “coming out of the closet” (JK
)
While reading through some of these comments, I couldn’t help but think about how many haters there are in this world. It is your life: your body, your mind, your soul. You do as you wish with all of them. Other people’s opinions should not be important to you. If you know, love and accept who you are as an individual (and Jew…if you chose)then the haters are a mere speckle of dust in the wind. (if even that) I always enjoy reading the writings on your BLOG (YES! I said it!!!) and I think you should continue to use creative outlets to express yourself and your unique individuality.
Don’t pay attention to the haters. Take their comments as flattery
Git Yom Tov!
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i don’t understand the big news
i Googled Hasidic Rebel about a month ago and up cam Sholom dean
http://www.google.com/profiles/shdeen
i guess this is just another step in going pulic, but anyone could have figured this out till now if they really wanted
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Am I a hater?
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Ahlan Sholom,
So ahhhhh vooos arebeitsta? Did the artists hire you to sell their paintings? Welcome to the broader global community Reb Shloyma.
Blog Gizint,
Sheikh Yossel al-Khattab (Der Erev Rav shlit”a)
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kafhakela writes:
So when one of their own decides to leave, it is understood that it causes a great deal of pain and anguish, including stigma and embarrassment, to the family that is left on “the inside”. So why would someone needlessly add salt to their wounds by announcing from the rooftops that a member of the Ploni family has rejected their way of life and “left the fold”. I am not suggesting that you live your life in secret; after all, that is not exactly what you have been doing until now either, and your identity has not been a state secret. All I am suggesting is your continuing the status-quo, without using your very public forum to cause them further shame after all that I am assuming they have already gone through. It is not like you would be giving anything up in order to protect them somewhat from additional agony, so why would you hurt them? What exactly is the point? Have you done a cost benefit analysis, including the shame they will surely suffer into the equation?
I can’t speak for Shlomo, but that could well be part of the reason he did it. The “pain”, “agony” and “salt to their wounds” are simply another way the Community ensures conformity and obedience. If you step out of line we’ll hurt your family. Go, but if you don’t keep it a secret your little sister will only be able to marry a congenital idiot from “out of town”. Damn yourself, but you’d damned well better act ashamed and hide what you are. Otherwise we can’t answer for what might happen to your loved ones.
It’s a lot like the Catholics. You can have the bishop of the diocese where you were baptized rescind your baptism and withdraw from the its “protection”. But you still have to tithe, raise your kids Catholic and only say good things about the Holy Mother Church.
Extortion is extortion is extortion.
It’s a lot like being gay that way. People might be inclined to overlook it as long as you stay completely closeted and marry or at least pretend to date. The real shame comes in being unashamed of what you are.
Are you a hater? No. But you have internalized a number of very troubling unexamined assumptions.
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Strangely, some sort of celebration feels appropriate. I often wondered if this day would ever come… and here it is.
“Don’t wish me happiness-I don’t expect to be happy. It’s gotten beyond that, somehow. Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor-I will need them all.”
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Happiness would be good, but mostly, I wish you the other three. Thinking of you with love.
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Have read your blog, HR, on and off. May I ask you some personal questions? It is just because I want to know what happens when a former Hassid leaves the fold.
Should I assume that you no longer keep kosher, or keep Shabbat?
What about your married life? Are you still married to your original hassidic wife? And what about your children?
I don’t know exactly why this makes me so sad, but it does. Maybe I should explore that…
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Lady light – maybe u should explore that.
as much as we love sholom’s desire to do what he pleases etc etc when one leaves their home community, particularly a strong one that is sad bc it means that it didnts manage to make them a home.
Try explore that, and find a community that will always give you and associated others a home regardless of their level of affiliation.
and btw there are jewish communities that do.
but as always HR/sholom love the writing.
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HR -
One question: Where did you learn such a fluent English?
New Square? eh!…
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Wow, congratulations, Sholom! I just discovered this at about the same time that the former Godol Hador, XGH, Modern Orthoprax blogger, also came out of the closet. (He turns out to be the brother of Nosson Slifkin).
How did it affect your life since you came out for two months? Any revenges from anyone?
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“They’re going to come after you,” they warned. I was told of rumors and conspiracies overheard in mikvas and shul coffee rooms around town. “
What is a Coffee room ?
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married life is a bit exciting but you will have lots of responsibilities.-,-
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a Coffee room, is a small room near the shul where they drink coffee before davening
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I just have got to point out you come up with various great facts and should put up a small amount of strategies to add in after a day or two.
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