Beyond the Illuminating Partition
[Humor]
“Shechinala, Shechinala!” God called to the Holy Ghost with a sweet voice, and because he likes her, he said her name twice.
“What now?” came the impatient response.
“It’s been a long time since we…”
“I don’t care! I can’t look at you.”
“It’s been seven million years, for Christ’s sake! Don’t you think it’s time to move on?”
“No, I can’t move on. People are still suffering down there, because of the stupid cancer you created. How do you expect me to move on?”
“Look, everyone makes mistakes.”
“Then clean up your mess, and cure it!”
“You know I can’t do that – it will take away free will.”
“Ya, Ya, I’ve heard that excuse a million times before. You should have thought about it before you did it.”
“I have needs, you know?”
“You can go fuck yourself.”
“I can’t, I promised not to bring another flood.”
“That’s not my problem.”
“But the rainbows!”
“What about the rainbows?”
“Every time I see the rainbow, I remember my promise, which reminds me of our lack of action, which increases my needs. Do you really want me to delete the rainbow?”
“I…” she started, but was interrupted by the sound of wings flapping. They both turned to see Gabriel landing, with a long scroll of parchment in his hands.
“Am I interrupting?” he asked politely.
“No, go on.”
“The results our in! And I’ve got good news,” he said, directing his gaze towards God, “and bad news” he said, turning towards the Shechina.
“Nu?” “What is it?”
“Ok. 17,393 Charedim said the prayer after Tikkun Leil Shevous asking for the Shechina and God to unite in copulation…”
A grin appeared on the face of the Almighty, figuratively speaking, and he said to the Holy Mother: “See? Aren’t you the one who heads the campaign for increasing the proportion of answered prayers?”
“I told you already, I’m not the head of CIPA, I’m head of Deitic Liaison.”
“Exactly. You believe in their cause. So will you answer these prayers?”
“Fine!” the Shechina said, defeated, “I’ll do it – for them – but your thing isn’t coming anywhere near my face!”
And with a wink to God, and a flutter of six wings, Gabriel took off and flew away.
Printable Version
And they wonder about the Big Bang…
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No wonder it rained…
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Loved it, Ash!
Yahweh has had an eternally conflicted relationship with his tree http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asherah#In_Israel_and_Judah
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Kabbalah sacrilege and in poor taste.
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Love it! Nicely done – I especially like the “17,393 Charedim” – such a perfect snapshot of a culture’s rituals and sense of self.
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