Historical
Unpublished Memoir, by Bigtha
Title: The Persian Version
(Rethink title. Rhyme is unfashionable. Consider “Persian Revision.” – ??)
(Reconsider. “Persian Revision” too analogous to Holocaust revisionists. Agagites not wackos.)
Narrator: Bigtha. Teller of this tale. Served as eunuch to Xerxes I, one of the seven ordered to summon Vashti. He was Haman’s favorite grandson. (Haman’s grandson was unlikely to be a eunuch. Change to… → ) Referred affectionately to Haman as “Grandpa,” served under his tutelage. (Would Haman fraternize with eunuchs? Research eunuchs in ancient Persia. Research harems while at it.)
Best friend to Vaizatha, Haman’s “muzhinikel.” (Will readers understand “muzhinikel”? Check origin: Yiddish/Hungarian?) Three years younger. He watched as Haman was hung, then each of the ten sons.
(Fill in details about Bigtha’s relation to and thoughts about each. Parshandatha an egotistical maniac; Adalphon dim-witted, etc. Arisei and Aridei twins but not identical. Arisei hot-headed, aggressive; Aridei quiet and thoughtful, contemplative, philosophical. No need to mention all ten.)
When Vaizatha was hung, Bigtha broke down. Was nearly captured and killed before Seresh II (son of Seresh I, who was accused – falsely – by Mordechai in plot to kill Xerxes) grabbed him and dragged him to nearby idling carriage.
Went into hiding after Xerxes I allowed the Jews (Judeans?) Jehudim to kill their enemies and plunder their property. Hid in wine cellar of Vaizatha’s wife, who, with him, narrowly escaped the hands of the Jehudim. (Avoid parallels to Eichman, etc. More like marannos or partisans…) Helped raise Vaizatha’s three orphaned children. (Explore possibility – or impossibilily – of affair with V.’s wife. Can a eunuch have an affair?)
The Jehudim claimed the world’s most moral army. (Avoid obvious parallels to ME conflict…)
Vaizatha’s wife (find appropriate Persian name) was granted clemency after de-Agagification trials she underwent forced Jehudification. (‘rabim me’amei ha’aretz misyahadim…’) Bigtha, however, refused to do the same and pretended to have been slain by the Jehudim, while living in secret. Eventually he moved to Ethiopia, at the edges of the kingdom, but was captured and imprisoned (age 64) where he died three months later of natural causes – during which time he wrote this tale for posterity. Manuscript only recently discovered – add in meta-story.
Haddasah (tentative; avoid Esther.). Niece to Mordechai, consort (is consort the right word?) to King Xerxes I, mother of Darius II. (Rethink using Midrashic reference. Stick to bible + modern speculation.) The woman behind the man. Evil as evil can be. The Agagites used her name for evil beguiling manipulative woman (i.e. Jezebel). Slept with three kings and one prime minister. (Which countries?) Held Xerxes by the balls.
Mordechai, self-righteous, pompous. Claimed he spoke for all Jehudim (a la Foxman, et al– better yet, Goebbels). Uncle to Hadassah.
Bigtha claims Haman was misunderstood. There is no evidence for Haman having ordered the extermination of the Jehudim. He disliked their politics. But it was radical Jehudim who claimed Haman plotted against them.
Central storyline to tell of B.’s experiences in hiding. Interweave with B.’s version of Purim events.
Consider: Avoid similarities with J. Heller’s “God Knows,” and Auslander’s Egypt story. Make Agagites sympathetic and morally upright. Must be complex though. Agagites must be capable of evil. Jehudim must be capable of occasional good.
Also, avoid too straightforward, not morality tale, must be cynical and humorous. Avoid similarities to film “One Night with the King.” Use anachronistic colloquialisms. (i.e. “held by the balls,” etc.) Make obviously inauthentic. Problem: too close to Heller and Auslander.
Problem: story requirements too complicated. Solution: construct in entirety as notes.
(Problem: too obviously ironic, a la David Foster Wallace. Solution: Add note about it being ironic, mentioning D.F.W.)
Add P.S. in notes to check proper usage of word ‘ironic.’
P.S. Check proper usage of word ‘ironic.’
Printable Version
Shulem, you should know better than to put Heller and Auslander in the same sentence, kal vachomer the same category.
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AAH: Did you read Auslander’s “Plagued”? It really is brilliant. And while Heller is masterful in “God Knows,” (and of course has a more established ouvre of masterful writings) it isn’t his best work.
(I’m assuming you’re saying Auslander is the lesser talent, with which I’m inclined to agree. But in case you haven’t seen it yet, do read the Auslander piece in question.
http://www.shalomauslander.com/docs/Plagued.pdf)
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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE it. Enjoying it too much to leave any insightful intelligent comment.
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Cute, very cute.
But how could you perpetuate that myth that Esther was Mordechai’s niece? The text says clearly that they were cousins.
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Well, e, is that worse than perpetuating the myth of the Purim story?
(My point is, calling it a “myth” is a misnomer. I suppose you meant “the widespread deviation from the textual account…”)
I do hear your point, though. This widespread deviation is indeed curious.
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Brilliant is an understatement
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Meta Genius!
The hipsters would love this….if they actually had any taste.
@ e: I think that the fact that most frum people can hardly remember what the actual megillah says is a strong testament to how much extraneous garbage was foisted onto every spoonfull of verse taught in school. Rashi, midrash, your zeideh’s vertel. and on and on…
it gets to the point where you can’t even remember the one thing you were supposed to have been taught.
a broch
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I’ll read ‘Plagued.’ In general, I find Auslander to be a very talented one-trick pony. He’s a good writer, he has good instincts, and he’s very angry at yiddishkeit. That works for a book or three, but you can’t build a career on it.
Heller, on the other hand, is terrifying. I spent a good couple of weeks reading “Something Happened” this time last year. No Jewish content to speak of, but so brilliant. So painful. He couldn’t even come up with a fitting ending, because the book is so intense. Check it out, if you haven’t already.
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@AtemMeta: Methinks this misconception crept in from the outside world.
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“In general, I find Auslander to be a very talented one-trick pony. “
For the most part, that’s been true so far. But like you say, he has good instincts, and I believe he’ll eventually move out of his by-now-formulaic/angry-at-god obsession. In his magazine writings for instance he’s already done that, and I wouldn’t be surprised if his next book is a little less predictable.
Of course, he’s no Heller. But keep in mind that when Heller started out, he was no Heller either.
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e: Where’d the outside world get it from? They too read the same text we do, and it’s not like the text is really open to interpretation. THe meanings of ‘Bas dodo’ and ‘bas Avichail dod Mordechai’ are pretty plain.
If I remember correctly, it’s Josephus who first mentions the uncle/niece relationship. Which is kinda curious; it suggests perhaps an ancient alternate tradition…
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So glad you posted it, I enjoyed it even the second time around.
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