Girls Night Out

credit: purplematfish

“Do I have a curfew?”

He smirks. We both know the question is a mere formality. I must ask. I’m his wife.

“Go, have a good time, make sure you’re home at a decent hour.” Peck on the cheek. Quick hug. Double check my pockets for I.D. and some cash. One last wave, and the night begins.

I turn the key in the ignition and as my car hums to life, so do I. I wiggle out of my skirt. Replace my flats with sexy heels. Quickly reapply darker eye shadow and hot pink lipstick. All while driving. Three honks. Baila joins me in the car .

“Don’t ask,” she mutters. “My son would not fall asleep! I had to bribe him with a Bisli.” She stops herself. “Okay, no Mommy talk tonight. Let’s party!”

Same routine. Skirt and blouse replaced by tight jeans and a shimmering tank. Wig laid neatly in the back, three spritzes of perfume, and a quick brush through her long brown hair.

“How do I look?”

“Sexy as hell.”

We kiss.  Her wet tongue melts in my mouth.

“Stop! You’re messing up my lipstick !” I wink.

Still driving. Two more honks. Last pickup.

“Finally!” says Goldie. “I thought I’ll never get done with that endless laundry pile. When I get back, hopefully, someone will have the put the mounds of towels back in the closet—” Goldie stops abruptly. “What did I miss?”

Lady Gaga sings “Papa-Razzi” on the radio. Driving an hour and a half away to some club may have its disadvantages, but the risk of seeing someone we may know isn’t worth our sterling reputations.

Music. Flash of a driver‘s license and a stamp on the hand . Note to self: wipe the stamp off before you get home .

“Let’s do shots!”  As the designated driver, no shots for me. Goldie downs her Patron, then grins at me. “And I so don’t feel sorry for you. That was me last time, remember?”

I don’t need to drink to have a good time.

Dancing. Grinding. Hips thrusting. Strange men I’ll never see again.

“Come home with me tonight, baby.”

“Sorry, dude, I’m married!”

“But you’re dancing with me. And you’re so sexy. And he’ll never know.”

“Dancing isn’t fucking,” I say. “I am sexy, and if I want a dick so badly, I can ask him for his. Or use my fingers. I’m here to party, not fuck.” Although dancing and drunken kisses never hurt anyone.

I love girls. The small of their backs, the smoothness of their necks. Tipsy touching, teasing, giggling.  Singing at the top of my lunges. Feet aching. The good kind of ache. I glance at my watch. A quarter to two.

Of course they protest. Eventually, they stumble to the car.

“Best time ever!” Baila crows. “Did you see that guy hitting on me?” Giggling. “He was kinda cute! Greeeaaat dancer! I love a guy who knows how to dance well. My husband has two left feet.”

“Sleep it off,” I tell them. “In forty five minutes I’ll wake you so you can change out of those prusteh jeans.” Everyone has responsibilities tomorrow. Lunches to pack, homework sheets to sign, bosses to answer to.

3:45 A.M. Ignition off. Flats on. Wig in place. Makeup long gone.

I nudge him awake.

“Hey. I’m home”

He turns and smiles, still half asleep.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah,” I whisper. “Baila got a little tipsy. She’s wild.”

“Glad you had fun,” he whispers. Kisses my forehead. “Hmm. Now you woke me up. How am I ever gonna fall back to sleep?”

I slip under the covers and remove his underwear, lick his thighs, his stomach. Eventually I help him fall asleep.

Love his confidence. Love that he lets me be independent. Love that we can give each other the occasional space for a night out with friends.

“Have a great day, shefele!” I smile at my six-year-old the next morning as he leaves with my husband. My four-year-old just left for cheder, and my two-year-old is about to get dropped off at the babysitter.

Turning the key in the ignition, I notice the ink on my hand. Quickly wiping it off with my sleeve, I laugh to myself. Would’ve had to come up with a good excuse for my chumash students as to why I have a big red stamp on my hand.

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Author: Riki Stein (2 Articles)

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  1. Loved it!
    And I would LOVE my wife to do something wild and crazy like that!
    But, alas, SHE’s the Frum one – and she certainly would never let ME do anything near that… :(

  2. Although its nice that you have a husband that is supportive, I find it kinda sad that just to go out with a friend as to be filled with so much anxiety and fears of begin found, driving an hour away.. oh men, the stamp on the hand thing ahh that use to freak me out too god forbid I will forget to remove it..

    Reading it brought me back to those days when I too use to have to change and re-change and cover and hide my hair under my tichel and keeping my jeans in a black bag hidden, I almost had a heart attack every time I dared to go out, If I even thought someone might recognize me, wow the anxiety was high!! I’m grateful I no longer have to deal with this!!

  3. Ummm in so so sorry but in my opinion dus story never happened:( not possible no gitte chassidish yid or even not would even think for a second of letting his wife do dat…..

  4. (above)”letting his wife do dat”… Go back to your cave please. There, you can drag you’re wife around by the Sheitel as you inform her of what she is allowed and not allowed to do.

  5. You’re an enviable girlfriend. Love your writing! Married girls often feel that they must surrender all their sex appeal to their marriage. Good for you for knowing the balance…dressing up and getting out when the family responsibilities are taken care of. Nothing like a damn good ol’ time with the girls to energize you for mothering and that chumash teaching.

  6. Shay, and what if I tell you about “gitte chassidishe yidden” who let their wives sleep with others, which I happen to know to be a fact…
    I’ll agree that they’re not “gitte chassidishe yidden,” but you wouldn’t know that… As a matter of fact, they are your son’s rebbe, your shoichet, and the guy sitting next to you in shul – the one who tells you the cute vertlech on the parsha bein gavra legavra!

  7. Shay, it was the story of my life, and still is for a ton of my freinds. some with their spouses knowing, some with their spouses unsuspecting. Doesnt change the fact. Its becoming quite the norm..

  8. I don’t mean to sound “holier than thou”, but I truly mean it when I say that there is a part of this that is pathetic. The good news is that she has life in her and knows how important it is to be happy. The bad news is that it is devoid of G-dliness – that a relationship with her husband, kids, Jewish community and Yiddishkeit in general, can’t provide her with enough life, enjoyment, zest & enthusiasm.

    Lived with real life (v’chai bahem), a Yid really doesn’t have to become a clubber in order to acheive that. The tragedy, is that few people seem to know how to have that life.

  9. Great piece!!!

    I truly relate to this. It’s just the other way around…. My wife and I have something special between us; she’s completely cool when I party with friends on a ‘boys night out’… I’m blessed!!!

    The only difference is, she’s aware of EVERYTHING that goes on when I’m out w/o her…

  10. Dear pileofpasta – again, please don’t take me as a preacher – I am nothing but a regular shmo, with b”H a great wife and family, and wish others could be happier living these days as proud, observant, enriched Jewish couples & kids. Here some off the cuff thoughts:

    On a plain & practical level, how many frum husbands and wives regularly go out on a date – make-up, cologne, high heels, flowers, romantic dinner, a show, etc. (with cellphones off)?

    When’s the last time a frum Dad tore himself away from his business life and /or the Bais Medrash / chevrusos, to take his wife / kids out to a ball-game, an amusement park, camping, a day in the park, or a bike ride around the block? Before daf Yomi, there should be wife-Yomi and kid-Yomi!

    When’s the last time they did any / all of the above and actually incorporated some Jewish content into their activities – being Jewish can / should be FUN too! (Miztva g’dola lihiyos b’simcha!)

    When’s the last time husbands and wives got together with their own good friends on a Shabbos night / day, to have a coffee, say some l’chaims, hang out, wish each other well, shoot the breeze, and sing negunim for a few unclocked hours (instead of sleeping the Shabbos day away)? (Apart from building cherished relationships, these are often times for good friends to shmooze, think & discuss issues that turn them on or trouble them about marriage, emunah, hishtadlus, the education of their kids, their community, and matters of Judaism in general.)

    And lastly, although this may sound a bit corny, when’s the last time anyone thought about their Yiddishkeit as being a two-way relationship with haKadosh Baruch Hu? That concept is not just for deep south evangelists – I promise, they got it from us. The teachings of Chassidus are replete with this approach to Judaism. Actually, that’s what the Aishes Chayil song is truly all about.

  11. Satisfied —

    “The bad news is that it is devoid of G-dliness…”

    Why is that bad?

    “life, enjoyment, zest & enthusiasm…

    a Yid really doesn’t have to become a clubber in order to acheive that.”

    True. But what if he/she wants to? What’s wrong with it?

  12. True. But what if he/she wants to? What’s wrong with it?
    A life devoid of integrity?

  13. Lmfao the practical aspect is quite impossible it’s very hard to do wife swapping by chassidim I’ve heard the storys but I think it’s way way over done…. And the integrity shit yo shut up u try to grow up in a community for it to b ur life and support and then just leave just for some concept called integrity ok??!!!!!!! And if it is true the kudos and hays of to u!!;) hope fully I’ll meet ya some day in a club aye;)

  14. Shulem Deen – You asked: why is it bad?; what’s wrong with it?

    Both questions drive to the same point. Wrong / bad is a question of morals. Hopefully, you’ll agree that one needn’t be considerd a “fanatical” Jew for using Torah as one’s moral compass. Since Torah classifies the “sex, drugs & rock ‘ n roll” scene as immoral, then, from G-d’s perspective, that lifestyle is bad / wrong.

    Having said that, every Jew has been granted free choice. And the Torah asks every Jew to choose good over bad, and then adds, “u’b’charta b’chaim”, choose life.

    So here’s to choosing true life – L’chaim!

  15. SFL — No, I wouldn’t say “fanatical,” but such morals are certainly subjective. If you use the Torah as your moral guide, you discard your own innate sense of morals, and you lose the ability to discern true wrongdoing from those based on religious principles.

    And I would certainly disagree with the Torah that “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” are immoral. Sex and rock and roll, for one thing, are perfectly fine endeavors. In fact, I kinda like them myself. As for drugs, morality isn’t the issue at all. Insofar as they are harmful to one’s health, it would be wise to be cautious with them simply as a practical matter. Another practical matter is that they’re illegal, so you might end up in jail. But health concerns and legalities do not determine morals.

    As an aside, I’m not quite sure the Torah does consider “SD ‘n RR” to be immoral. But I’m not here to argue the Torah’s position. I’d advise you check with your LOR though. And don’t just take his word for it; ask for sources.

  16. Shulem it seems as if you are reluctant to stick your toe in the question of whether morals are (by definition) from G-d, which if they are from G-d, then there is objective/real/true morals, and any “inmate” morals are really irrelevant. Isn’t that at the crux of the issue, at least in your first paragraph?

  17. Dear SD – By S,D&RR, I only meant the colloquial phrase, representing that particular lifestyle. It sounds as if you and I can certainly agree that there are times when each of those activities on their own may be perfectly acceptable, or may even constitute direct mitzvos (e.g., S – onah, D – refuah, R&R – simchos chassan v’kallah).

    However, as per VBelkin above, the core issue, which you raised in your first posting, and then again in your last posting, is that of G-d & morality.

    Being that G-d is our Creator and is Omniscient in every sense, I hope we can at least throw Him the bone of being the ultimate determiner of human morality, no?** If we can agree on that point, then I think the salient question becomes:

    Do we each wish to choose to play by His rules – or not. Sometimes we may try and mess up; sometimes we may not try hard enough; or sometimes we may decide that it is easier & more “fun” and free to not try at all. But I think that we should each admit, privately, and be prepared to take that up “mano-mano”, between each of us and Him.

    Paraphrasing Elie Wiesel, a Jew can love or hate G-d, but he can’t ever ignore Him.

    ** Besides, I think that suggesting otherwise would in essence, leave the morality of all of mankind to the whims of each of you, me and the other 7B humans on this planet, subject to change on any given weekend. I thought that experiment died with Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, et al., y’sh.

  18. Velvel — I actually am not reluctant at all; I’ll say unequivocally that I don’t believe morals are from God. I responded the way I did only to make the case that SFL cannot expect others to share his moral worldview if they don’t come from the same starting point.

    As for objective vs. innate morals, I firmly believe it is the latter. A basic, innate sense of right and wrong exists in all humans, whether religious or not. Atheists don’t steal and murder more than theists do. Children, even before they’ve fully absorbed morals as religious values, already recognize that there are matters of right and wrong — however roughly defined. Our morals may go through a process of conditioning, and that part can be cultural or a product of our upbringing. But the essential element, the ability to recognize the fundamental concept of right vs. wrong, appears to be very primal.

    Consider this: We generally recognize that a person who lacks a basic sense of empathy has something of an ill psychological disposition. We call him or her a psychopath. We don’t say they’re not religious enough. We recognize they’re missing an essential quality that most humans are born with. This suggests we have an intuitive understanding of our natural instincts.

    SFL — As per the above, I’m afraid we can’t agree even on that narrow premise.

  19. SDeen – You said: “I’ll say unequivocally that I don’t believe morals are from God.”

    The G-d that you don’t believe gave humanity morals, is not the G-d that the Torah provides, and therefore, is not the G-d that I believe in.

    By your removing Hashem’s moral principals out of this discussion, I wonder how you figured I could respond to your initial questions of why bad /what’s wrong? That is, if as we each have our own unique set of innate morals, then it is simply a case of my moral understanding versus yours.

    You can consider the above, but past experience tells me that nothing much will come of it. Either you believe in Hashem, or you don’t, and nothing I write will bring us any closer together.

    Getting way back on point, I am sincerely curious about the parameters of your “innate / intuitive / primal morality”:

    1. Do you believe that Riki and her friends’ actions as she describes them (i.e., dancing / “grinding” / drunk kissing with other men; wet-tongue kissing each other, etc.), all performed clandestinely without their husbands’ knowledge, is a betrayal of their husbands’ trust & marital commitments?

    2. If so, would your moral principles mandate that Riki and her friends should be upfront and honest with their husbands, and if they wish to continue their nightlife fun (assuming their husbands’ disapprove), at least offer to terminate their marriage arrangements, so that they can then be free to act as they wish, wherever they wish, and with whomever they wish, at noone eles’ expense?

  20. Satisfied for life – why did you assume that all those described activities were clandestine? “Aderaba” – it would appear that at the very least Riki’s own husband was quite aware of what she was doing – and we have no reason to assume otherwise about her friends either.

    You say – “The G-d that you don’t believe gave humanity morals, is not the G-d that the Torah provides, and therefore, is not the G-d that I believe in.”
    First of all – you used a bit too many double negatives to be properly understood (triple negatives?). Do you mean to say that you also don’t believe in the God Shulem doesn’t believe in? But this is just semantics – as Shulem would obviously respond that he doesn’t believe that there is ANY God who gave humanity morals. It’s no kuntz to claim something doesn’t exist – the real trick is to claim something does – and then SHOW that existence. The onus would obviously be on YOU to prove that there IS such a God.

    Secondly, can you please tell me the exact chapter and verse where the Torah says that God gave the world morals?
    Also – you mention the Torah “provides” this G-d – do you mean to express that you must be informed of this God and without the Torah you would have no knowledge of Him? Hmmmm… I wonder what the Dor Hamabul who had no knowledge of the Torah as it clearly hadn’t been given yet would say? (Though, to be fair, there is Rav Nissim Gaon in his preface at the very beginning of Shas in Berachos (you know – that big page before “Me’eimosay Korin Es Hashma” that no one actually reads…lol) who mentions that the mitzvos which are dependent on logic and “understanding of the heart” were OBVIOUSLY obligatory upon all humans “since the day God created Man on earth”, but that would mean that it wasn’t the Torah that “provided” this understanding. Of course, the obvious question is – WHICH mitzvos are so clearly logical and obligatory? Moral ones? But according to who’s morals? as you so eloquently pointed out. It would appear that Rav Nissim Gaon disagrees with you on the idea of an “absolute moral standard”)

  21. This is all very cute,and very racey,but at some point we-yes,me also-we have to look in the mirror and ask ` Who am I ? What do I want ?

  22. SFL —

    “By your removing Hashem’s moral principals out of this discussion, I wonder how you figured I could respond to your initial questions of why bad /what’s wrong?”

    You might say it was a rhetorical question. My point was, I don’t believe we come from the same starting point. Although I would’ve happily entertained any reasonable position for morality that does not presume they are God-given.

    As for your questions, both 1 & 2, as CN stated, there is no indication that Riki was hiding anything from her husband.

    BUT — even if she was, I don’t believe there are answers that are universally applicable. While we all have an innate sense of right and wrong, we only agree on them when the issues are black and white. We generally accept the universal value of not murdering innocent people. But when it comes down to nuance and specifics, there are widely divergent views. Can we kill in war for the greater good? For self defense? And what constitutes self-defense? Is murdering several thousand Palestinian civilians justified because of the threat of rockets on Sderot (in which no one has yet been killed)? I’m sure some people believe it’s right. Others disagree. Point is, moral issues, once they come up in real life, are never so simple as they are in theory.

    We might accept as a universal value not to inflict pain and suffering. And then we turn around and do just that. We break up with people to whom we once professed our undying love. We banish from our communities those who no longer live by our guidelines. We engage in bitter litigation, causing severe and sometimes lasting emotional distress, against those we believe we have financial claims against.

    As a general principle, Riki’s obligations to her husband are just that, between her and her husband, not between man and God, and certainly not between her and people who find it their place to judge her. Of course, we can and do judge those who violate what we consider inviolable moral principles. But I don’t think one person’s judgement should have any bearing on an individual’s own sense of right and wrong.

  23. Dear SDeen,

    You began answering (“BUT- even if she was…”), but then went philosophical on me. Nice read, but I’m still left with my initial curiousity.

    “Riki’s obligations to her husband are just that, between her and her husband, not between man and God” – yes, in my question, I already assumed Hashem out of this picture for our purposes, so, please if you could be so kind, what would you respond to my 1 & 2 above, from the vantage of “innate / intuitive / primal morality”?

    I’m not looking to debate / corner you or anything like that. I’m truly fascinated by your faith in “innate / primal morality”, and am wondering what it would have to say about this (unfortunately practical and increasingly recurrent) modern day set of circumstances?

  24. SFL — I understood your question, and my response was directed towards it. Perhaps I was a bit vague. Then again, I think by their very nature, these questions have no clear answer. But I’ll try to rephrase some of it…

    “1. Do you believe that Riki and her friends’ actions as she describes them (i.e., dancing / “grinding” / drunk kissing with other men; wet-tongue kissing each other, etc.), all performed clandestinely without their husbands’ knowledge, is a betrayal of their husbands’ trust & marital commitments?”

    Yes, if done clandestinely, it’s a betrayal of his trust. But that’s simply a factual observation, not a moral judgement. The moral aspect is up to the individual, and it has to take into account the different aspects of one’s personal circumstances.

    It seems that what you’re aiming for is a blanket condemnation of deception. There simply isn’t one. If the narrator of this story doesn’t feel the innate sense of wrongdoing from her actions, then she is, by own moral compass, not transgressing anything.

  25. I don’t understand living a double life like this.

    Maybe I see things in a more black and white manner than most people, but why live a frum lifestyle if you don’t fully believe in the principles of it (which these women clearly don’t.) Maintaining the illusion of being a straightlaced frum woman is a disservice to oneself, one’s kids, and the people in one’s community–you’re pretending that a lifestyle is tenable and sustainable for you when clearly it is not.

  26. SDeen – thanks for your clarification.

    M – I agree with your point. At the core, part of what shocks me is Riki’s betraying duplicity, from the perspective of the others in her life. If I were one of her children and found out about it (at whatever age), I would be devastated. Same if I was her husband. On that basis alone, I think she is acting abhorrently.

    However, from Riki’s own (selfish) perspective, she is golden, ‘having her cake and eating it too’. She’s got the stability, love, community and future that goes with her frum life. And then, when she’s in the mood, she’s also got the total freedom and hedonism of a singles’s night on the town type of life. According to SDeen, she’s even morally correct too!! What could be better?

  27. I’ve been refraining from commenting because whatever position I take, I’ll piss someone off.

    So disagreeing with some I have a lot of respect for here. So disagreeing respectfully.

    On the one hand, yea, very cool, tells hubby about Girls Night Out, gets to go. I guess when you don’t have much freedom, and your friends’ husbands would never allow this, then I suppose “letting you go out” is a victory. But it still feels like property. I want to go out, I go out. Oh, I tell my husband. If we have something important to work on, I try not to be selfish and respect his wishes. Other than that, I tell, not ask. I don’t need his permission.

    And I’m not talking about clubbing. I’m just talking about going out. Not that one shouldn’t club.

    I found this post mildly depressing. Some have hailed it as liberating. Look what this chic gets to do! I still struggle with the whole “change from pants to a skirt, pull out that snood” thing. I hate it. And I’m not being cavalier when I explain that I don’t need to do this for my husband, just my extended family. I love them so I do it out of respect. Or so I tell myself. Where does respect end and manipulation begin?

    I’m not smug. I decided not to be Chassidish at age sixteen. I continued to move farther as I entered the twenty-something years. I was simply lucky.I have great empathy for child brides who realized all too belatedly the mistake they made and the spot they found themselves in. I can only imagine how much harder this would have been if I had children to consider, children I’d run the risk of losing.

    In this piece, the writer has her husband’s blessing. That’s huge and I commend her for it. But the big liberation here is getting to be a clandestine slut for the night? This is the big victory? This is the big freedom? Tossing the dreaded shetel in the back seat, getting drunk all night (I gotta hand it to you for the designated driver role, at least you had the good sense to not drive home smashed), tongue-kissing your partner in crime, cruising an hour and a half away so no one recognizes you. This is the big feminism?

    Some of us laid everything on the line for an education, a career, a sense of honesty to oneself, a chance at a liberating fulfilling true lifestyle, a second chance at family, a spouse we hand picked. I want to hear more of those struggles. Somehow a furtive night on the town, in a club far away, only to don the garb once more for chumash doesn’t sound liberating. It comes off depressing.

    Do understand I’m not judging really. You wanna go clubbing, please. Go clubbing. But don’t kid yourself. At best, you got to play a role. You still have to come home to the same old crap. You’ll playing a part. What a waste. I wish you could put all that energy into something more substantive. Your fantasy night in a haze of smoke and booze comes off more desperate than groovy.

  28. J. on July 25, 2011 at 9:16 pm ; good ideas! and good writing! I’m wondering the article is intended to be real or fiction. I hope it is real, because authenticity is needed. You are so right, a sense of honesty to oneself is the key.

  29. Nothing wrong with a night out, as long as you follow the rules and know who you are. Seems a bit on the strange side to want to uncover her hair and wear pants, one can still have a great time while still keeping to basic tznius laws.

    Maybe it’s easier because I’m a guy. I started frequenting bars around the age of 15. Always remained true to my frum beliefs, just wore a baseball cap in areas where I didn’t want to attract too much attention. 20+ years later, I still go out to a rock/metal band every now and then, enjoy a few cold ones while I’m at it. Wife’s totally cool with it, don’t hide it from my kids either.

  30. Rock N Roll, I go to concerts and the occasional club too. While heavy metal was never my particular cup of tea, I can dig that beer mug too on occasion, but I’m more likely to do that at a picnic :). I eschew it more for Weight Watchers ideals than morals. My husband and I always modeled to our daughter what very moderate occasional drinking looks like. So far so good on the teenage daughter front.

    To add more on what I did not like about this piece: The cool dude coming on to this frum mom, whispering not such sweet nothings in her ear is probably some loser who can’t get a job. And unless she’s living in Monsey and traveling over an hour to find that elusive bar where she’ll go undetected, we’re talking about some seedy dive in New Jersey, I suspect. In my humble opinion, hardly worth the “stellar reputation” risk.

    Now if she told us she snuck out to attend a lecture at the 92nd Street Y and then struck up a conversation with that cute Jewish doctor over some sushi, now we’re talking. Wait. She’s got a good relationship with her husband. Never mind…

  31. I guess the more chassidish one is, the further they will probably stray when doing “questionable” activities. I remember hanging out with the kids of some of the leading rabbis in our area. When left alone, these guys would pig out on treif, smoke on Shabbos and participate in various other serious aveiros.

    I who grew up “less frum” than they did was never really tempted to follow.

    Today, most of these guys wouldn’t dare step foot in a rock bar with live band (they frummed out again), even though we’d hang out together back in the day. No matter, still few us us left that realize that enjoying some “real” music (noise) has nothing to do with your level of religious observance.

  32. Rock N Roll, you exemplify Alfie Kohn in “Punished by Rewards,” my parenting bible. The more punitive and authoritarian the parenting or organized structure is, the more likely for rebellion and questionable activities.

    I’m no Nobel laureate on the parenting front. But I’d like to pat myself on the back anyway. My daughter did a gap year in Israel. She was free to drink, legal drinking age there, as you know, is 18. We talked about it a great deal. In the end, she had a few drinks all year, never got drunk. She was very sensible and responsible about it, if I may brag so myself. I never told her she couldn’t, I knew that wouldn’t work. But we talked a great deal about it, before she left and on the phone while she was there. Some of her program mates were getting smashed. She never did. I’m thrilled she took all those years of parenting with her. It does show!

  33. Funny how things end up working out. My son always wanted a sip of my booze. I always let him have some. One day he had a bit too much, now he won’t touch the stuff, not even on Purim.

  34. I am sorry I don’t share the repressed anguish of either the author or those who have commented; therefore the feeling of tawdry ecstatic release was lost on me. I mean girls just want to have fun. What I found dysfunctional was the reaction of the ladies’ husbands(I use the term under advisement). In my view, this is the greatest critique of the NY Chasidic society.

    The chuckholed husband is the object of scorn, pity and derision. Whether we like it or not, and perhaps I’m an un-developed troglodytitic male, but normal men don’t easily agree to have our wives dance, wet kiss other woman, do tequila shots (or perhaps the odd “body shot”) or otherwise “hang-out” with strange men in bars past midnight. This speaks to a breakdown in the basic marital relationships. Does Rikki and Mr. Rikki need her amped up inebriated state to enjoy normal relations? Is that the real reason Mr. Rikki agrees?

    If that weren’t ugly enough, I think there’s another reason Mr. Rikki cannot help but agree. No doubt Rikki, and her party girl friends, are breadwinners (either through there own work of through the ‘Shever’) and wear the pants. Is this the outcome of legions of men ‘galerten’, while simultaneously empowering their wives? As they say in Israel, “Ba’la maya, ba’la dayah” (loosely translated into an English saying: he who pays calls the dance).

    A very sad, very sad indeed.

  35. I’m with you, High Tech. But “I mean girls just want to have fun.” Oh, pul-eeze. Yea, how cool, huh? But for a lot of women, this isn’t exactly their idea of “fun.” Male fantasy, perhaps.

    That wet kissing business? That girl-on-girl-action sounds straight out of Penthouse. Either the writer here is a man or is just doing what she thinks modern society does. No, I’m not repressed but women out on the town don’t usually wet kiss each other the second they get into the car.

    I’ll repeat what I said before. Discarding the shetl and sneaking out sounds more pathetic than daring. And yea, the husband sounds like a wimp.

  36. Pingback: Religious Girls Night Out!

  37. Well. I’ll make it short. But its intended to answer all bums that claim that its some naarish and-or unnecessary restrictions that we bring upon ourselves. Ok imagine i tell you that there is some country in central africa where looting is no crime. Its simply i free country . . . Whatever you see you can take. Bread milk cars etc. What would you think of that “wow thats so nice. . . For a change i’m not restricted by some dumb rules from jewish old-rabbis from two thousand years ago. . . Now i can take and have whatever i want. . . .” . Oh no. . . That for sure not . . You gotta be insane to think so. . Oh ok. Same thing’s here. Its hashems ultimate wisdom that taught us how to live our marital/sexual life. And an disapprove of it is at least like disapproving the rules of burglary and ones ownership to his or hers belongings. Meaning that although your little brain thinks that lifes more rightful and fair and easy that way. This is far from the truth. Just like allowing robbing and stealing for no reason.