Teen Mag: Cover Up, Obey
credit: ma neeks
I know this is going to squick some of you out, but when I found out I was carrying a girl, I ordered a book of photos of (– and, out of fear of readers’ sensitivities I’m not even going to use the accurate word) – female genitalia.
Sexuality (even if just in its most basic biological presence) is a part of life for all humans, and our choice is to be open about that with our daughter. I bought the book because although I do think genitals are personal or private, in private, I want her to have a non-shameful reference for other women’s experiences with their genitals, if she wants it. I don’t want our stance on privacy to become synonymous with shame.
Today, Tablet magazine has a profile of Yaldah, a magazine by and for frum girls, that emphasizes tsnius and obedience. Although I have to admit I, like Yaldah’s founder and readership, am not thrilled with the emphasis on consumerism and age-inappropriate (and often female disempowering) sexuality found in most other young girls’ magazines, the idea that “Jewish values” for girls are basically obedience and modesty, and that’s what the magazine trumpets on every page, makes me a little nauseous. It’s just willfully blind to reality.
Even the most religious girl goes through puberty and is forced to establish some relationship with her sexuality. This magazine’s emphasis on modesty and its refusal to address any real issues of teenage life, is irresponsible and sickening.
The obscene rate of eating disorders in the religious community is just one symptom of what happens when a girl’s sexuality and identity is so repressed. And although more attention is paid to the nightmares of boys being sexually abused in the religious community, there are plenty of cases of girls being abused as well. By insisting that obedience and modesty are all there is to the teenage experience of religious girls, this magazine perpetuates a culture of shame that is harmful to its readers and feeds the more intense problems of the community.
Isn’t there a way to talk about puberty and its physical and emotional realities in a way that would still be palatable to the Orthodox community? From my experiences growing up in that world, I’m going to bet not, and that’s just sad.
Printable Version
Dear FreiFem,
Thank you for your comments about the article in Tablet about Yaldah. Of course, every reporter chooses their own slant to emphasize when writing about YALDAH. This article focused on the value of modesty expressed in the magazine but failed to mention that this is just one topic addressed along with a host of other topics relating to girls including volunteering, creative expression, social troubles, getting along with siblings and parents, cute hairstyles, book reviews, profiles of Jewish women in a variety of careers, a health column, crafts, fiction stories, as well as articles about sports, nature, travel and holidays.
At YALDAH we recognize that puberty is an important topic for young girls to discuss. We made the decision not to include topics on puberty inside the magazine because of the variety of ages and backgrounds of our readers. Each parent should be able to discuss puberty with her daughter when she feels that it is age appropriate and relevant for her daughter. Since we target 8-14 year olds, many parents feel that a magazine is not the proper venue for such a discussion. However, for the future we are open to (and have received requests from parents to) publishing a book discussing puberty for Jewish girls so that parents could introduce the book when they feel it is appropriate for their daughter. For the record, secular magazines like American Girl also don’t discuss puberty in their magazine. They have a separate book available for parents to introduce to their daughters.
Our forthcoming book for teenagers (“Teen Talk”) includes topics on depression, eating disorders, boyfriends, and at-risk friends because we feel that by that age these are topics every teenager has encountered needs to read about.
While we do value modesty, it’s not our main focus. Our focus is to empower and inspire Jewish girls to become leaders, take action in their communities, and change the world for the better. We’re all about uniting Jewish girls of all backgrounds and giving them an outlet for creative expression. Feel free to find out more at http://www.yaldah.com.
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Yaldah Magazine does not stress “obedience”. You really are missing so much, if you base your comments on the Tablet article. The values it promotes are: unity, Jewish pride, and girl power. It encourages girls to go for their dreams and to embrace their Judaism with passion. What I find sickening are 10 year old vogue models dressed to kill, Hannah Montana nonsense, Gossip Girls, and our societies sexualization of young girls. Remember, Yaldah’s readership is 8-14, the average being 12. I find it a refreshing change.
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I don’t have time to read Yaldah.com and the Tablet article, then refute the above comment point-by-point, but I hope somebody does.
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You, FreiFem, are absolutely unbelievable. Your agenda and tactics are sickening. Did you really just write an entire blog post putting Yaldah Magaizine in a bad light based solely on a Tablet magazine article that already displayed a biased slant?? Do you really do that? That’s just ridiculous. I am going to take apart your post sentence by sentence. First of all, who ever told you that Yaldah is a magazine for and by frum girls?? Actually, It is a magazine for and by JEWISH girls. You have never picked up a copy of Yaldah magazine. How could you possibly verify any of these utterly absurd claims you have about what Yaldah Magazine is all about. You can’t. You based it solely on the Tablet article and even then your claims really have no base in that article either. Where did you ever get the idea that Yaldah promotes the idea that “Jewish values for girls are basically obedience and modesty”. That is just factually incorrect and not even the Tablet article claimed such garbage. And yet you have the audacity to claim that this is “what the magazine trumpets on every page”. Somehow you can claim that Yaldah’s main objective is an “emphasis on modesty” and that Yaldah refuses “to address any real issues of teenage life” when you have never even read one issue!!! You make ME nauseous. Why should Yaldah be attacked for staying away from puberty? Yaldah is not denying this is a part of life and is not repressive in any way. Rather, Yaldah has decided not to include this topic because many of the readers are 8 and 9 and also, do young girls REALLY need another magazine that discussed sex, drugs, alcohol, boys, puberty and all that? There are PLENTY of other magazines that discuss these issues. And yes, there is “a way to talk about puberty and its physical and emotional realities in a way that would still be palatable to the Orthodox community”. It is just not in Yaldah. Go read “Teen Talk”, a book that does discuss these issues that is published by YM Books (Leah Caras’s publishing company)
Not only is what you wrote about Yaldah blatantly false, it is also sickening. The way you used a magazine you have never read as an opportunity to bash the Orthodox community. I understand you have an agenda, however, it is beyond reason to incorrectly portray Yaldah magazine and mislead other readers just because you read one article about it.
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Dear Frei,
Pretty weak of you to slam young girls about this. The girls created a magazine on their own that reflected what they wanted to see — and bravo to them for doing it. Much like you created this blog to reflect what you want to see. The difference is pretty clear. Their magazine is cute, high-brow, and appealing and your blog is even not half as funny as frumsatire.net.
It’s one thing if these girls were sent on a mission from some creep to spread propaganda, but that’s not what happened. They are simply products of great parents and loving environments. And that’s probably gotta make you upset. Tough break. But to slap them around in your blog? really pathetic. Pick on the creeps, not these nice girls.
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FF, you really are pushing it this time. Your polarized views on ANYTHING orthodox are unimpressive. There are so many things REALLY wrong within the Orthodox Jewish world, but Yaldah is not one of them.
HT,
Proud mother of a 12 year old Yaldah reader and writer.
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Outraged commenters:
Yes, I do have an agenda. I’m a blogger (on a site called UNPIOUS – not Your Local Daily News), not a journalist.
I wrote this in response to the Tablet article and years of in-depth experience with religious communities.
I have never read Yaldah.
I would be thrilled to be wrong in my conclusions.
I would be thrilled to find out that Yaldah is inclusive, that it encourages girls to be empowered, and self-expressive, that it addresses the real challenges that religious girls face. From what Leah C. says, it seems like the magazine does promote at least some of those ideas, which is great.
The fact that it side-skirts other important, relevant issues that religious girls deal with – that displays a lack of courage, particularly given the context of the religious community where few are willing to step forward and speak about troubling issues that are frequently swept under the carpet. Not a crime, but a disappointment.
But then we get to some other commenters here, and I find their arguments interfering with my willingness to accept Leah’s explanation of a biased reporter etc…
An Insider says Yaldah promotes unity. Is that the kind of unity that includes and celebrates Jewish girls who come from all backgrounds? Are Conservative and Reform and Reconstructionist women and girls celebrated, with their beliefs, in Yaldah? If not, and Yaldah only focuses on Orthodox interpretations of Judaism and the women that practice it, that’s a valid choice, but than I take issue with “insider cohesiveness” masquerading as “unity.”
astounded, if, as you say, Yaldah is for and by Jewish girls, not just frum girls, I hope that when religious life is referenced, the religion of all Jews is celebrated – not just the Judaism practiced by frum communities.
Also, astounded, you say:
“Yaldah is not denying [puberty] is a part of life and is not repressive in any way. Rather, Yaldah has decided not to include this topic because many of the readers are 8 and 9 and also, do young girls REALLY need another magazine that discussed sex, drugs, alcohol, boys, puberty and all that?”
You highlight my point about the religious community’s discomfort with basic human sexuality, its culture of shame, by assuming my reference to “puberty” is synonymous with “sex, drugs, alcahol, boys, puberty and all that.”
Obviously, I don’t think Yaldah is the same as a child-molesting Rabbi. Of course not. I do think there are many major problems with the religious community (along with some things that are wonderful about it). These problems are made even more infuriating by a general unwillingness within the community to address them. The way that Yaldah was described in the Tablet magazine and by others, seems to highlight some of these issues.
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I included puberty not because its in the same category as the other things but b/c most magazines that talk about sex, drugs and alcohol also address puberty becaus they are all issues that teens deal with.
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It might be best to actually read the magazine and then comment on it.
Reading tablet magazine about Yaldah is like reading the book review section of the New York Times on a book and then commenting on the book from what you read in the Book Review article
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Looks like Yaldah has its minions at their beck and call for their PR. (Based on the flood of indignant comments parroting each other on the Tablet piece.) Impressive.
To anonymous: totally not so. It’s more like reading a news report about an event and then commenting on the events based on that report. Not every commentator needs to fact check everything they read. Reputable periodicals are trusted to maintain sound journalistic practices. FreiFem wasn’t writing a review of the magazine, she was reacting to (and directly referencing) a specific report. If the issue is that the report is skewed, it should be brought up with Tablet, not with Tablet’s readers who take the article at face value (and have every right to do so).
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Yaldah has its minions? Maybe you should actually learn how Yaldah as started- by 13 year old girls, on their own, with minimal adult assistance (the original editor is now 20).
And sorry, nothing on the internet in 2011 can be taken at face value. If you do so and choose to rant about it, you are the fool.
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“Yaldah has its minions? Maybe you should actually learn how Yaldah as started- by 13 year old girls….”
You’re saying 13-year-olds can’t have minions? There’s something off with your logic here.
“Maybe you should actually learn how Yaldah as started- by 13 year old girls, on their own, with minimal adult assistance …”
Indeed, I was eager to learn, and read a bunch of articles about it. Was actually really impressed. But oops! Bad decision. As one Yalda fan put it: “…sorry, nothing on the internet in 2011 can be taken at face value.”
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FF says,
“You highlight my point about the religious community’s discomfort with basic human sexuality, its culture of shame,..”
Now let me try to understand this;
If the Yaldah editors decide to leave the responsibility of edumacation in the hands of the parents ( who seem able, and involved enough having subscribed to this teen mag), then are they promoting a “culture of shame”?
If 11 year old innocent me ran over to my father, and sharing the news of my first period was told never to share this very private and personal experience with ” the rest of the world”, was he implying that my sexuality is something to be “ashamed” of?
When I taught my daughter that it is ok to pleasure herself in the bathroom, but inappropriate to do so in the dining room, was I teaching her to me ashamed and self- loathing?
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IS stressing a focus on developing inner beauty, as opposed to external beauty, such a bad thing?
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I seem to recall , all the pictures of HM the queen show her unfashionable , but elegant. I assume it would be the hight of embarassment for us, if our queen followed fashion. (all the more so if she would wear “summer wear”). It seems, that fashion is a means of getting attention, for those who feel the need for it.
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Whatever your beef is with the orthodox community why do you choose to pick on a beautiful magazine for girls? Maybe you think that they are too naive to stand up for themselves. But reading you blogs and the responses of the girls I would conclude that the young women who produce Yaldah are much more responsible adults than the fools who produce this useless site.
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