The Green-Eyed Monster
I look around at my life, at the humble bumblings of my creative career, at the remnants of my fancy job history that I walked away from, fading with each passing month….
“You don’t even want her job,” I tell myself. “You’re pursuing your dreams, the things that matter to you, that when you lie on your deathbed, you can feel good about achieving. You had enough of the bureaucracy and the empty hustle of that world! Remember?”
I woke up at 9am today, giving my aching body every minute of extra sleep that it wanted. I’m sitting at my laptop, on the couch, in my pajamas, working on projects I love. I have everything I want, and yet its still so easy to feel insecure about it all.
We had lunch at a friend’s house this weekend, and talking about feminism and religion, I shared how hard it is for me to have confidence in my career. As a girl, I knew god wanted me to be a mommy and a wife and an English teacher at the local Bais Yaaacov. Any choices I make today will never have that certainty of god behind them.
Maybe I shouldn’t have quit my business suits and business cards and bold Linked In label that announced to the world I had succeeded.
Or maybe I need to get my butt in gear, log off of Linked In, pull a yogurt out of the fridge, plop back down on the couch and get moving on my creative projects….Printable Version