Reflections
Where I’m From
Your Brooklyn is different from my Brooklyn. Both of our Brooklyns have 2.6 million people. They both contain many different cultures and ethnicities. It is ironic that its motto from the original Dutch settlers is Eendraght Maeckt Maght, or “Unity Gives Strength.” Brooklyn has so many groups that unity is nearly nonexistent. It’s more like peaceful parallelism than harmony.
You have Music Hall of Williamsburg and I have Satmar of Williamsburg. You have Paul Auster and I have Reb Ahron Shechter. You have Greenpoint, Park Slope, Gowanus, and Dumbo. I have Flatbush and Borough Park. You have cafes, coffee shops, jazz bars, dive bars, martini bars, strip clubs, and bowling clubs. I have the Seven-Eleven on Avenue M, and if I’m a “bum,” the Starbucks on 65th street. You have new and used book stores. I have Judaica stores selling seforim, mezuzahs, and yarmulkes.
Recreation is not a word in my vernacular. I have a roadmap for my life plotted out for me even before I was born: Go to Yeshiva. Stay in Yeshiva. Sleep in Yeshiva. Get married. Bills? Marry rich and your in-laws will provide. You have opportunities. Ivy League. Liberal Arts. Two-year, four-year colleges. Trade schools. Me? Bachelors in Talmudic Law. Touro College if I receive rabbinical permission. Brooklyn College if I’m rebellious.
You want to be a self made man? What are you, a Protestant? My Rabbi leaned back into his chair and rubbed his eyes.
Brooklyn is seen nowadays as a city teeming with creative talents. A place where artists go to live, to be around other artists, to help their art grow. My Brooklyn is a place of rules and regulations, a place where growth is stifled and conformity is key. Before leaving my house I have to give every article of clothing a second thought. “Can I wear this? Is this appropriate?”
Your Brooklyn respects both the comfortable yuppies of Park Slope and the poor hipsters of Greenpoint. My Brooklyn rates people by their net worth. Although many people in my Brooklyn are not rich, many give off the impression that they are, so that they can be looked upon with respect. Appearing rich is also important in order to find suitable mates for one’s offspring. By seeming rich, there are also cliques that people can join. I never liked this because Jewish thought generally rejects earthly desires and indulgences. One might see it as contradictory for people to act ultra-Orthodox and at the same time be part of a culture that promotes big houses, big cars, showiness and ostentatiousness. How can you be so involved with yourself and be involved with God at the same time? We serve monetary idols.
There were many Saturdays when I would walk along Ocean Parkway and see scantily-clad hipsters riding their fixed-gear bicycles and having an all-around good time, while I was forced to walk in my stiff, wool Shabbos suit, sweating under my fur fedora. I envied their freedoms, the why-don’t-we-go-for-a-bike-ride-in-whatever-we’re-wearing lifestyle.
Online, I sought out and discovered various types of events where I, too, might partake of your Brooklyn; art exhibits to stroll through, games to watch, artisanal beer to drink, and unique food to sample. These all sounded alien to me. Partially out of curiosity and partially out of rebelliousness, I decided to become one of them. Before joining them, I had to first fit in. I shaved my beard and visited a hairsylist. Shed my black shoes for vintage green and brown bowling shoes. While I never completely rejected the uniform white shirt and black pants, I sometimes exchanged them for pink, green, or brown shirts. While they were still formal, they were less conservative. My pants essentially remained the same. While in yeshiva I always wore creased, dry-clean-only dress pants, at home I wore khakis. In my mind, black is black and whether it goes in the washing machine or not is irrelevant. So my pants were dark. My shoes stood out the most. Then I started going out. Reddit meetups, book readings, storytelling events. Open bars, trash bars, whiskey lounges, you name it. Live Moth shows and Moma. From a loud rave to a quiet museum, I got around.
After a year of fun, I learned a surprising lesson. You and I are not too different. We both have hierarchies that outsiders would view as archaic. We both have cliques that we scorn but secretly want to be part of. We both have a society’s expectations of us that we may view as unnecessary. This is why I returned to my community with all it’s rules. While I definitely had fun in your Brooklyn, I can now enjoy our Brooklyn even more.
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Nice piece! The two lifestyles contrasted and then compared as equal. You fail to mention the fact that the “other” Brooklyn didn’t give a damn that you return to the Brooklyn you can’t get rid of. Though I’m not sure whether this is a plus or a minus…
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To me, this highlights the difference between an oisvorf and a koifer. Not that there’s anything wrong with being an oisvorf. I WISH I could be an oisvorf.
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Huge difference in the hierarchies being the ones at the top of the hasidic totem are reactionary and duplicitous, while the heads of hipsterdom are forward-thinking, innovative and brutally honest.
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The writer identifies a lot of differences between “his” Brooklyn and “their” Brooklyn, but then concludes that both are the same because “both have hierarchies that outsiders would view as archaic,” “both have cliques that we scorn but secretly want to be part of” and “both have a society’s expectations of us that we may view as unnecessary.”
Even if these statements were true, the writer does not address why numerous other differences that he previously identified are not different at all. Thus the article leads this reader mystified as to how he came to the conclusion that his Brooklyn and theirs “are not too different.”
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Such an interesting point of view. I like the canvas of the human as a social animal this author portrays, and I like the observation of “peaceful paralellism” versus harmony.
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Let me address some comments.
hierchicalhasid wrote
“Huge difference in the hierarchies being the ones at the top of the hasidic totem are reactionary and duplicitous, while the heads of hipsterdom are forward-thinking, innovative and brutally honest.”
While people from our community think that the non Jewish world is amazing where people are nice and non-judgmental, the truth is not so simple. Indeed, I believed that until I left and saw what the world has to offer. People in general are self serving. Sorry to be negative, but it’s just evolutionary biology. We only care about our ourselves and our “own”. Hassidim are to black pants and white shirts what hipsters are to plaid shirts and flannel. Your Kedem wine is their Pabst Blue Ribbon. Your new sefer is their “you never heard of them” indie band. Your new blackberry is their new “retro” glasses. There’s a reason why they all dress alike. It’s the same reason why many are afraid to leave Judaism. We’re afraid to be alone. We like having a sense of community. Don’t attribute modern dress and modern action for forward-thinking.
Corona wrote
“Even if these statements were true, the writer does not address why numerous other differences that he previously identified are not different at all. Thus the article leads this reader mystified as to how he came to the conclusion that his Brooklyn and theirs “are not too different.””
While I may feel bad about over my little wiggle room for my future, the truth is most people don’t have that many options. It’s the reason why when a black person from the “hood” goes to an Ivy League school, there’s a TV movie about it. The same reason the Ivies are full of WASPS. We are born into situations and it’s really hard to break from that. For better or for worse, our parents/situation have a profound effect on us, whether we realize it or not. It’s possible, and by golly it’s been done, but we have limitations that are out of our control. Unless we work hard to break out and do something.
The breaking point for me was attending a public discussion between two famous writers (Calvin Trillin and Andy Borowitz). While I enjoyed what they said, they were talking in a very haughty fashion. Their arrogance did not match their brilliance. It reminded me of my mashgiach giving the Yeshiva a “mussar shmooze”. I realized that religious or not, many people are full of themselves.
Basically, religious people being screwed up doesn’t make the irreligious perfect. They have their own issues as well.
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But surely the irreligious world encompasses many more segments then just the ‘hipsters’…? Why make it a false dichotomy between Chassidism and Hipsterism? That’s part of the beauty of the ‘outside’ world – that there’s so many different groups that one can be a part of, and even more, one need not be exclusive to only one group! You can be part of multiple groups at the same time, or even shift from group to group and no one will look at you and say “oy, what a bum…” as they might in a religious group. Obviously, since we’re all human beings, we’re never gonna be perfect, in the sense that there’s always going to be disagreements about what ‘should’ be done and what is ‘proper’ to be done. But so what? Does anyone really claim otherwise? I certainly never heard that…
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Pathetic. As if this is reality. This writer is so desperate for more- it sad. As if life has just two paths.
Life aint about bars, education options, and colored shirts. Many were raised with all that , and crave more.
The last line doesn’t even justify the means. There is no such thing as two choices . We have an abundance of choices that stretch so far beyond the obvious differences. This writer desperately needs something- but he won’t find itot e in either world- cause he’s not even searching within.
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Lissa, you’re right. I failed to get a certain point across. The world outside has a lot to offer. There are many options and one has the ability to try on many “hats”. But we all suffer from the “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome. We see how happy others are and say to ourselves “if only I could be in that situation then I’d be happy.” But then we get ‘there’ and discover it wasn’t so perfect after all. (Then we work on being content with small things etc.)
It just pains me to see when people leave with the assumption that the world is paved with gold only to find out that it’s not the case. Yes, there are more options, but there’s a significant amount of BS in the outside world. Gentiles complain all the time. As a bad example, if the world was as perfect as I heard, Occupy Wall Street would not happen. People are unhappy in the outside world. Hate to be a negative nancy, but it’s important not to fetishize a different society because a current situation is less than optimal. (Caveat Emptor: As a child, I used to runaway from many situations. 9/10 times it was never worth it.)
One has to be happy with who he/she is. As an OTD friend once told me, there’s no running away from your past.
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at last, a rational otd er
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Stop complaining my brother. Go live with the artists and bohemians and see how happy they are with all their “freedom”. They are miserable. If they ever got in front of gemara with a good Rebbe they would be on the first train to Ocean Parkway.
You are the one who is being small minded as the Torah is deeper and wider than anything you will find elsewhere. You don’t have to be stuck. Just do the Torah and do it on your own terms. If you are strong you will just keeping growing. Just please stop kvetching!! This ain’t the midbar. We did the kvetching thing there and it did not help anyone.
Peace Bro
EMES
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EMES ROCKER, where have you been? We’ve missed you
.
It’s not all that black and white. We certainly know there are happy hipsters and miserable Satmars. My sister sees the world in this polarity too. She asked my husband, “so those graduates from Harvard. Are they really happy?” My husband, knowing he was being goaded, shrugged and replied, “some are. some aren’t.”
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EMES, Are you offering to set up a chavrusah Shaft?
I hate to break it to you, but going to Torah and Yiddishkeit for emotional support is unethical and self-serving. Many people use religion as a security blanket. It’s a natural thing to do. Indeed, the great Catholic priest Ignatius of Loyola wrote about this phenomena. But when we go to shul and shokel and walk the walk and talk the talk we must ask ourselves “Am I doing this for Gd or me?”
Also, just because Torah helps some people doesn’t mean it helps everyone. I see unhappy people learn all day and I see happy people who don’t crack a sefer. Everyone is different and what works for one doesn’t work for the other.
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Mordechai,
Good points you are making and yes I was definitely generalizing.
I would certainly be interested in learning with you.
I think we will find real simcha learning together.
Please let me what time slot works well with your schedule and we can set something up.
Bracha v hatzlocha!
EMES ROCKER
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Excellent piece, and even better comment reply at ‘January 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm’.
I just wrote a piece an hour ago on my site at http://www.yeshivaforum.com that you might find interesting.
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Smart thing to come home. The truth is, the best way for a Chussid to rebel against his parents is to become a Misnaggid. Start davening in the proper times, learn gemara and halacha, get a chavrusa in a shtark litvishe kollel, wear your tzitzis under your shirt, wear a 125 dollar hat instead of a 3000 dollar hat etc…This way you can really anger your parents but yet still be a good Yid. You can have the best of both worlds!
To just become a regular secular old Joe is so mediocre. It is so boring and predictable. Seriously speaking, how on earth can you actually intellectually justify trading in rashi, tosephos, the ran, rif and rosh for lehavdil ain sof havdalahs the Village Voice?! Only someone with some seriously screwed up brain surgery could ever pull that off.
So just become a real anti-chussid. A real Vilna Gaon talmid. Fight against the Rebbee worship and just stick to worshipping the Eibeshter. Do as Shlomo HaMelech said- at the end of the day just serve G-d and keep all the mitzvos for this is whole of man….Just be someone who serves G-d and not the neighborhood, the frum police, not the fashions.
Just be pure.
This is the greatest form of rebellion.
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EMES,
My email address is mordechaigorelle @ gmail.com.
I’m looking forward to hear from you.
(Beware of the spaces in the email, done to combat spamming.)
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what is the darwinist explanation for the koach of” kvittlech reading”?
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When I lay down to sleep at night under the metallic Brooklyn sky, I often wonder that at the end of the day who really sleeps alone because of idealism… It is cold in here, in my room all alone. I hear the wind blowing a garbage pail down the street, a horn impatiently sounds and I see a brief glimpse of light pass by my window.
For sure at one point my impulse was pure, but the way I feel it must be that sometimes our circuits get shorted our signals get crossed and the balance gets distorted by some type of internal incoherence. For sure if I was really right I would not be lying here feeling like the sky is falling in on me. Why am I so weary, bruised and tired…I know, I know, I am fighting a fight that no one really cares about. I can write and write but no one really listens because at the end of the day everyone wants to love and be loved and that is all that really matters. We all want a big bear hug and a smile from those around us and maybe that is the only feeling of G-d I will ever feel. Maybe its really nothing more than that. Can I really blame them…it is so cold in here, the windows are rattling but no one wants to come in….
I gave up a warm bed , a loving sky and glowing eyes of a child depending on me for the research of those who have never loved or been loved. A research filled with holes as big as the soul of man that they never considered. I am so tired, so tired, tired of this ache, this hole, this self imposed exile from all that brings wholeness. I thought it would finally all come together for me but now I feel like crumbs scattered about but no one is coming with a candle and feather to find me….How I ache for love, warmth, and a hug that means more than words….
None of my research, none of my time in the library spoke about this emptiness, it was all math and analysis, adding and subtracting, long division and… I am ready to give up…I am too tired…this all must be something beyond my research, my calculation, beyond the six inches between my ears, something so true and so pure that words could never define it…for if I was correct why am I lying here under this cold, cold sky staring at nothing more than myself….
I want to go home…please take me home…
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wow shulem sounds tough.
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Yeah, human beings are human beings. We’re apt to divide people into hermetically sealed classes like frum, hipster, and yuppie. It’s no shock that people who go in conceptualizing the world categorically and hierarchically go on to find it that way. So, not exactly a surprising lesson, at all.
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I have no problem that I was born orthodox and the path for me was chosen before I even had the opportunity to do so on my own, I am 23 and married and I have 2 beautiful girls and yes bills but it is a 0 burden on me I love it I have spoken to many non religious people including Gentiles and they envied the fact that we have a meaning in life. For example in your article you view our lifestyle as a nuisance(we can’t drive in shabbos or what ever) but when in fact all those things are for our benefits , why would you want to run around with hipsters when you can get to relax 1 day a week I would never give this up.AND MY MAIN POINT IS: YES THERE IS A GOD AND HIS TORAH IS A USER MANUAL FOR SUCCESS AND WHOEVER FOLLOWS SEES SUCCESS INSTANTLY THE DA VINCI CODE WONT STAY A LEGENDARY BOOK FOREVER ! YET THE TORAH GODS BOOK STOOD BY WARS AND IN 2012 WHEN CHRISTIANS ARE ALL CONFUSED (OLD TESTAMENT NEW TESTAMENT) WE STILL HAVE THE SAME TORAH. YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR EARTLY DESIRES NO PROBLEM BUT IT COMES WITH A PRICE DIVORCE, BROKEN HEARTS, HERPES,AIDS, AND THEN YOU’LL EVENTUALLY DIE HOW SAD ………
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Sol, I don’t have a problem with your premise. I consider myself a committed Jew so I respect passion. But your post just strikes me as so overwrought, so self righteous, and so black and white.
When I visit my family and they embark on this line of thinking, I can barely wait to escape the diatribe. They’ve long lost me because the positions are not coherent, “the lady doth protest too much,” and it just comes off desperate. They do worse than you do. My sister tends to come from a naive position, absolutist and rather ill informed. There you have a bit over her.
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J.
Altough it may seem black in white to you whatever I’m saying, I’m not here to question you and your decisions being In the orthodox community all my life I understand why those minor things look so big to you(the colored shirts and biking or whatever) it is SINCE THOSE WERE THE THINGS THAT WE WERE DEPRIVED FROM WHEN WE GREW UP. but in real life these stuff are petty,family is first then comes dreams and so fourthh yes I have a passion for music does this mean I should drop my family and go to music school 7 years? No!!! You have responsibilities but if you view your dreams as a first priority you give up your wife,kids, and soon enough you have lost both your life and your dreams ..I don’t want to come off narrow minded here but if you look at judiasim it is a beautiful thing it was and still is the chassidim that took it to a whole new level. Even Americans have adopted the Jewish weekends off thing, a lot of non jewish stores are closed on Saturday, every time I read one of those unpins story’s here where they mention running away I have one thing to say YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE.
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“It was the chassidim who took it to a whole new level” meaning for the worse .
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shallow is shallow in both worlds
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BS’’D
I am the total opposite of many otd’s
I got into Frumkeit on my own at around age 14,
and boy was it scary. When I first manned up after a lengthly time contemplating this, and decided not to eat the Treif chicken I was served, I gave excuses from here to china. I don’t like chicken, I don’t want chicken tonight, salad? Then my Father found out the reason was….
KASHRUS.
That was it. It was a whole shpeil, he hit the walls, and a few months later when I didn’t want to swim with my swimsuit on Shabbos, he hit me too. My Mezuzos were taken off with a shoe, and I used to sneak to Yeshiva just to have a taste of Torah, but I did it all Hashem, I did it all for you. I got the bruises, the red face, the endless tears, all for a life where I really feel. I am one of the coolest of my friends, and people look up to me. I give a Shiur once a week and am working on a Sefer. I love my life, and my life loves me,
DUS IZ CHAIM
I really cannot change well…everyone, and I really cannot help, anyone…but if you want it
ashtor613 @ gmail.com (without the spaces) may do you well.
I saw it all, and I did enough bad before I got into doing good, before I stopped with the girls and became Shomer habris, but a tear for a smile….I would do it all again. All again just to be sitting here, after my Gemara Chavrusa living the life that
IS.
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Wow. so beautifully written, RebA.
I love this site.
IN regard to the author’s feeling that religios people worship wealth and respect/adore/idolize those who are wealthy- that exists among the entire human race, in every state of the US and beyond, as does the opposite.
Paris, France; Rome, Italy; Los Angeles, California; Houston, Texas; the list goes on. Its Universal.
There are nice and good and caring and NOT materialistic people all over.
Its all a matter of what you train your eye and heart to notice and feel, based on your life experiences and the direction you choose in life and totally not symmetrical with religion or lack of it.
Religious, less religious and atheist groups have that in common. Theyre all a mixed bag and contain individuals who make individual choices.
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“There are nice and good and caring and NOT materialistic people all over.”
Exactly. Abe’s whole point is well stated.
I really liked this piece, Mordechai. I think the ultimate point is that people are fundamentally the same – and I couldn’t agree more. The heirachies and customs just look different in different cultures, neighborhoods, etc etc.
I live in BedStuy near Williamsburg. I’m not Hasidic and I’m not a hipster. I adore my hasidic neighbors and I’m learning to like my hipster neighbors hahaha. Unlike hierchicalhasid, I can’t say I think hipsters are smart, forward thinking or honest… but that’s my opinion as someone from secular Brooklyn who has always been around them. I can’t stand their disinterested irony and elitism. But I do love to ride my bike and wear shorts. But my bike is not a fixie.
I guess the one difference I see between my Hasidic neighbors and myself is that… my dad may roll his eyes when I get a new tattoo or when I decide to get my doctorate in a “silly” humanities field… but there’s no real social or familial consequence to me doing what I want. I know some secular families are less forgiving, but that’s an exception and not a rule. (Also, it’s funny to say secular because I grew up So Very Catholic, and in my world, that’s not considered secular). But utimately, the pressure to conform isn’t as intense – or at least it’s more subliminal.
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